How did I manage to reach this milestone?

For those that have followed my blog from the start, you will already know that I suffer very badly with depression, got in a rut of sitting around and not going out and losing all interest in looking after myself, which has then resulted with problems with my feet/ankles/back and putting on over 5 stone of weight.  Even with all this going on I have reached a very important milestone in my life, with just the help of some wonderful friends and no interaction with my family.

The 29th July 2010 was the day that I had my last drinking binge which then resulted in a drug overdose, it made me look at myself and ask what the hell I was doing.  It has been a hard struggle to not drink but I just knew if I thought I could sneak in a glass of wine one evening that it would not end there, so I banned myself from buying any alcohol, unless I was out socially and knew that I would be coming home to no bottles anywhere in the house.

As I mentioned earlier I suffer with really bad feet/ankles and also my back so the doctor put me on repeat prescription for co-codomal, which normally knock your socks off but I got to the stage where taking 6 at a time had no effect, I told her Monday to remove these from my repeat prescription as I was misusing them.

The last month has been very emotional in work and at home, so much so that I even took 4 days holiday to completely chill and take some time for me.  My beloved Angel became very ill, the vet said there was a high probability she had FIP or Lymphoma, they wanted to do more tests but she had already had blood taken, been on a drip and I felt this was stressing her out even more.  I insisted that they give me some medication and I would treat her at home, in that time I took her to another vet who said high probability that it was Leukemia.  I was in pieces, Angel had just turned 5 and I was not ready to say goodbye to her yet but she looked so thin and slept so much.

I am pleased to say with her being fed very special food, sometimes by hand, syringing water into her little mouth and giving her lots of love she started to turn a corner.  Her temperature returned to normal, she started being more like herself and her energy came back, she is still very thin but I am still feeding her the special food to build her back up again.

I have also joined Slimming World as I just cannot seem to stay on track to lose weight and feel that having the pressure of being weighed I will be more determined to suceed, also I am very competitive so I want to be the biggest lose every week in a more positive way!  The first meeting was last Thursday, I got to the car park and nearly drove out again, I got to the door and wanted to run but I went in, I was very emotional but held it together, well that was until the very end when everyone was going and I signed up and stepped on the scales.

I am going to put in here how much I weighed as I want to be able to look back and see how I have done, the display read 15st 4.5lbs, I burst into tears with disgust at how I had left myself get to this stage, I was always around 8st before my head op and then after fluctuated between 9st & 10st.  Carrie, the Slimming World host gave me a hug and said how proud she was of me even going, I drove home in tears and told myself I did this to me and only I can change it.  I also took my measurements which goes in my progress book, again I was shocked 48" 45" 54", I only used to be a size 32A, no wonder I cant bend over with those bazookers getting in the way!!!!

We have also had more visitors coming into the garden, I think Chino has been spreading the word that it is a safe haven, luckily though they like living wild so I am happy to lend them my shed to have a nap!

We have, however, got a new addiction to our lovely family which was not planned!  I popped into Pets at Home to get Angel her special food and just saw the most adorable bunny rabbit, looking at me, all lost and lonely.  In the other enclosures there were lots of rabbits but this poor little thing was all on her own, I just knew straight away she belonged with us.

I really felt that we deserved it after the trauma of Angel and me reaching my milestone, what better way to celebrate and give a little animal a forever home, also the cats share a birthday all within 2 weeks of each other so I felt they deserved a new friend to love and play with.  I have called her Poppy as her hutch is called Poppy's Den and I think it really suits her, as the weather is so lovely I have treated her to a Rabbit run, but it is flat packed so I had better go and put it together for her so she can have a run around whilst I crochet.

Shellie B x

HM Queen's visit

Well what excitement there was at work, we knew that there was going to be a Royal visit to Bletchley Park on the 15th July 2011, where our offices are located, but we never imagined it would be the Queen herself!!!!

There was only myself and Shane in the office and as the other Account Manager over in Galway was on annual leave so I had to really beg for us to be allowed to watch her visit, we were even given flags to wave for when she arrived.

Her helicopter suddenly appeared overhead and everyone cheered, I actually started to feel quite excited and then her car appeared and I nearly peed my pants!!!!   I am not a royalist but who can say that the queen walked past where they work and waved at you???

We had to wait for her to be shown round various attractions at Bletchley Park before she made her way down to the Memorial, once we were out of the office we were not allowed back in or to wonder around the estate, so many secret service and security around made it all suddenly become clear how important her visit was.  She stopped and chatted to some of the school children that had been invited along to see the event and then walked past our offices, before stopping to meet some very important people (I was far too important for her to meet so took pictures) and then unveiled the memorial.

Excitement all over with it was time for her to head home and feed the Corgi's, besides I needed to get back to work so insisted that she left, otherwise she would have been there all day. She gave me a little wave as she walked back to the car and then sped off doing donuts and hand brake turns on the way back to the helicopter!!!!

Shellie B xxx

Shake, Rattle and Roly Poly

So today I have been to the doctors because I am thoroughly fed up of taking a step forward but then stagger back 10, I am at my wits end and do not want to end up where I was this time last year.

I went with my list:

1. Do not feel tablets are working, very irratible, mood very low and cannot see anything positive on the horizon
2. Cannot exercise due to pain in my ankles, this pain wakes me up, can hardly put any weight on them in the morning when I get out of bed, feet go numb when exercising
3. Shooting pain from my groin to the top of my foot, not all the time but when it comes on I double over in pain.
4. Cannot lose weight and am finding it really depressing

Doctors answer "we can only deal with one of those things today, which one is it?"  So I opted for trying to shed the weight as that is preventing me from exercising, restricts me at my job when I am in London and need to walk around quite a bit etc, its also making me really depressed at how fat and gross I look, I struggle sleeping as cannot get comfortable.

Doctors answer "ok lets deal with your feet"  Apparently I am putting too much pressure/strain on my tendons, my feet are red hot and inflamed around that area, I am also not wearing the right footwear, I need to be wearing supportive trainers..............I am not allowed to wear trainers to work!

Outcome, I have come away with 4 prescriptions and am now £30 worse off:

• Venlafaxine 75mg = 56 tablets
• Solpadol 30/500mg = 100 tablets
• Naproxen 500mg = 56 tablets
• Temazepam 10mg = 14 tablets

All I can say "its a good job I am not suicidal", oh hold on I am and I told her that, maybe she has had enough of hearing me winging and touching my smelly feet lol

Not sure if this is a good idea but I am currently colouring my hair, if that goes wrong then the clippers I bought for the cats are coming out, just call me Miss Stoned Baldybonce!!!!!

Shellie B xxx

Snap out of it!!!!!

Over the last few weeks I have been so down, not really knowing why, wanted attention and not go any, am hating everything in my life but as my good friend @tarquydrawers said, look where I was this time last year, so this blog is going to do that.

This time last year I was facing being out of work as my contract was not being renewed.  My happy pills were causing problems with my bladder so I was coming off them to try a different one.  My house was on the market and in a terrible state.  I was binge drinking and making myself very ill, physically and mentally, including taking overdoses when drunk as it seemed like a good idea.  My general view on life was that I was tired and wanted it all to end.

So what is different this year, I have a fabulous job for the money I wanted to be earning and am doing very well at it.  I have joined a gym and am fighting to get my fitness back and self respect.  I do not drink.  Even though I rehomed two cats last year I have given a poor lost cat a lovely new home where he is very loved by me and the girls.  I have a lodger who is friendly and seems to like me for who I am.  I have re-invented myself with a new hairstyle and a brand new tattoo.  My house is looking lovely as I redecorated last year.  I know how to crochet, cross stitch and am learning to sketch.

The negative things in my life at the moment are that I cant seem to have any willpower to diet or go to the gym regularly, I still feel very sorry for myself and demand attention, then throw a wobbly when I dont get attention and cut those people out from my life.  I have arrears on my mortgage which are being paid each month, I have trouble sleeping which makes me tired and irratible, which then makes me in a bad mood because I hate being miserable to people.  I have an addiction to Co-Codomal so much that I take 6 or 8 at a time and they have no effect on me now.

Plan of action to make more out of my life, be thankful for the roof over my head and for the unconditional love shown to me by 5 little faces every time I see them.  Research into a good diet that I can stick to, one that is not too expensive and easy to follow and prepare.  Make a rota and exercise plan for the gym.  Be thankful that I have a good job, one where I am appreciated.  Clear mortgage arrears and get IVA sorted for unsecured debt.

So from next week I will be starting my plan of action and will try not to be so hard on those around me just because I am tired and miserable.

Shellie B

Time for Change

For the last year I have kept on saying that I really want to lose the weight i have put on over the last few years through binge drinking, lack of exercise and really unhealthy eating but I just have not had the motivation to do it, well this year is going to be different.  Even though I really hate how I look at the moment I am posting a picture with this blog to motivate me even more because everytime I look at it I just feel disgust, I have also put a picture of the weight I always was before the brain tumor/steroids/binge drinking and junk food diet.

Since I have stopped the binge drinking and was offered a really fab job I have found a new reason for living and looking after myself, so I have joined DW Sports, bit expensive but it has a swimming pool and lots of eqiupment which means there is always something to free to exercise on, I have also started a carb free diet and have diet & toning protein drinks.  My aim last week was to go to the gym everyday but with the events of Chino and then having to collect my glasses I only managed 2 but was pleased that I burned 400 calories each time.

I struggle so much when people at work eat crisps as I automatically want to snack so I bought some trail mix and have now got used to munching on this.  My normal days diet consists of trail mix for mid morning, salad and low fat chocolate mousse for lunch, protein shake late afternoon and then meat cooked in griddle pan accompanied with a big portion of steamed veg to fill me up, I started this diet approx 2 weeks ago.

As trail mix has raisins or currants in I decided to make my own using, mixture of nuts (Peanuts, Walnuts, Brazil nuts, Hazelnuts, Almonds), Diced Pineapple, Diced Papaya, Banana Chips and Toasted Coconut, the reason I do this is because if I really cant stomach something then I will not stick to the diet, I also have a mixture of seeds which are coated in soya, they are so tasty.  I buy all these ingredients from The Dailybread, I could easily spend a fortune in there.


On Saturday I had all my hair chopped off and my first ever spray tan, my lodger came home today and said how much it suited me and that I looked like I had lost weight, was so chuffed!!!  To finish my weekend pampering off I painted my nails, the wonderful @sophieissmall sent me a lovely package filled of goodies and one of them was Barry M Emerald Green nail varnish which I topped off with Barry M Black Nail Effects and a sparkly top coat, love the finished effect.

FINALLY, I am so pleased to announce that I have  LOST 10 LBS in just 2 weeks - my starting weight was 15.6 stone............

Shellie B

Chino's Incredible Journey

Those that follow me on Twitter or have access to my Facebook know that I have another cat, I did not choose to get another one as I thought 3 were enough to keep me company, instead this gorgeous creature found us.

It was a lovely sunny day on the Sunday, 1st May so I decided I would spend some time weeding the back garden, as my health is still not back 100% I have to sit on the floor to do each section and then move to the next, whilst sitting on the floor this kind of manky evil looking cat appeared, not one I had seen before but I was really surprised to see how friendly it was, it stayed around me all the time I was in the garden and even was still out there after I had come back in.

The next time I ventured out the back was Tuesday 3rd May after work and this sorry looking cat came running out of my shed meowing at me, it looked starving so I fed it, the poor little cat then came into the kitchen and ate my 3 cats dinner, as soon as I tried to shut the door it ran into the garden.  The next morning I opened the door to see if it was still there and again it came running out of the shed, this time I left it some food and water outside.


By Friday morning I was quite concerned because it look like a pedigree cat, so convinced that it would have a microchip I took it to the vets (me and Chino off to vets in piccie below)  and sure enough it did, I called the company the chip was registered with and learnt that he was called Chino and about 5-6 years old, they tried to contact the registered owner but they had moved and no one knew where she had gone.  I instantly called round all the vets and gave them all the information I had about him and had also advertised him as found on nationalpetregister.

Over the weekend Chino had been coming into the house from the patio doors, eventually he learnt how to use the catflap and found his space on the bed, my 3 did not seem bothered about him apart from Tiffany but that was just because she was jealous of the attention, by Tuesday I did not think that we would find the owner but had a telephone call at work and then is when I learn't of his sad story.

His owner had gone through some personal issues and was left homeless so she found new owners for Chino and his brother (I was horrified when I found out he had a brother as he was on his own).  That person promised to keep them together but unfortunately her children had an allergy to the cats, so Bagpuss (Chinos brother) was put in a cattery and Chino was given to someone in a flat in Kings Heath.  His owner wanted him back but I wanted to find out more as she had given up ownership so really he did no belong to her anymore, was her accommodation stable enough to have him back, what was best for Chino?  After an emotional conversation with his first owner I told her I was not happy to unsettle him again as he was very relaxed and seemed really happy at home with me and the girls, I could not imagine what the poor thing had gone through, being rehomed twice, seperated from his brother and then either abandoned or lost.

The next day me and his 1st owner spoke again as I was feeling a bit guilty and wondered if I was being mean, oh thank you to @supernatural, @chellelouou and @tarquaydrawers for reading my rambling emails and helping me rationalise the situation, anyway she had come to the decision that as he was settled he should stay with me, she was very anxious as she wanted to make sure that I would take good care of him, I promised to keep in contact with her and now she is a friend on my facebook so she can see regular pictures I post of him and I have told her she is welcome to come and visit in a couple of weeks to put her mind at rest and see how well he is doing and what a loving home he now has.

A couple of days later she sent me a mail through Facebook as she had found out where in Kings Heath Chino had been rehomed, I looked this up on google maps and was stunned to see how far he had travelled to find his forever home, the map below shows where he started from to get to me, obviously he may not have stuff to the paths lol

I still think its nothing short of a miracle that he found his way to my house and everytime I look at him my heart breaks as I see the trusting eyes and happy content face and I just cant help but think how can someone abandon him like that.  I do also wonder if maybe someone dumped him in the field next to my house and maybe he followed the girls home as there is no way mine would have gone that far, infact I know they dont even go out to the road and very rarely go out into the front garden.

Who would have thought a little lost soul would want to come and live with me, I feel so honoured and think that maybe my mum guided him to me as she knew I would do what was best for him, I am also amazed at how well my 3 get on with him, they just accepted him like he has always lived with us.

The only thing left to do for him now so that he feels part of the gang is to give him his own twitter account as he cant be known as a sassy sisfur, but I cannot think of a name that would suit him, if anyone has any ideas please post below, there is a prize up for grabs which is great if you are a cat or a cat owns you, kindly donated by @phoebeiscrazy.

Time to go and snuggle with my lovely furry family, Chino is never far from me and has to be touching so he knows that I am not going anywhere, I my new extended family so much..............

Shellie B

May Day Fun

Another lovely short week at work which flew by and then the Royal Wedding, I did not think I would watch it but was glued to the box as I wanted to see the wedding dress, well worth the wait and she looked stunning.

I spent the next day in bed poorly and then Sunday I tackled the back garden, did most of it but still one side of it left to do, hopefully only couple of hours work, at least I can now open the blinds for the patio doors as it doesnt look too bad out there now.

Today (May Day) I went and visited @anansi_ and @tarquydrawers in Coventry and we spent the afternoon in a lovely little village called Little Itchington (I think), I had my first (and probably last) Buffalo Burger, we saw some Morris Dancers and I recalled a childhood activity, horseriding, when we saw 2 beautiful shire horses

After we finished talking to the horses we went to the local pond, if you look closely you can see the ducklings.....................honest!!!

Then we headed off to The Blue Lias (I think that is what is was called) at Stockton and sat outside next to the canal for a drink, we did want some lunch but the kitchen was closed so we had a gorgeous curry just down the road from Mr and Mrs Trumpydrawers.

It was an absolutely beautiful day, spent in the most wonderful company, cannot wait to visit them again.

Shellie B