Winter Blues

Well I certainly have been suffering with some kind of blues, began after xmas really, could not get myself back into anything, even my crochet has suffered, then last week I just went right downhill and beyond, nothing anyone could say could bring me out of it, I very nearly turned to drink so I could blot out the days!

Think one of the things that tipped me over was that I had a facebook message from Laura saying she was moving out, now that hurt me as it made me feel I must be a really awful person as they did not feel comfortable saying anything face to face, also it has meant I cannot pay the bills that urgently need sorting out and the thought of coping on my benefits again frightened me.  Even in my gloom I did manage to re-advertise the room and have 3 potentials coming round today, so I have everything crossed.

On Sunday I decided that I couldnt go on like this, just wasting away in my own sorrow, not moving from the sofa day after day, I could feel all my muscles wasting away again and that made me even more down as I would look at myself and be disgusted, so, with the help of Laura, I put together a daily schedule and decided to start this from Monday.  It contains very simple things like when to get up, when to eat, planned activities like walking, reading, crafting etc but when you are so deep in depression you dont do these things for yourself and until I put this together I would never have thought it would have worked.

So I set my alarm so I wake up the same time every day and have started my walking again, I think my cats love it as that means I am up early so they get there breakfast at a reasonable time.  I feel so much better from my walks, even though my legs are really painful and I have a huge blister on my right foot but I am not going to give up.  My lovely cruse lady came today, she was burgled before xmas and lost all contact details so had not been able to get in touch to come and see me, but anyway we are back on track again and she has convinced me to open my Folksy shop again, which I have now done.

Today I achieved something that I have never done in my life before, I made some SOUP!!!!  Its a Chunky Vegetable Winter Energy Boosting Detox and even if I do say so myself it is absolutely scrummy, the amount I have made will do my lunches for the week. When I went to get the ingredients I couldnt remember what beans to get so used Cannellini beans instead, as these were already in my cupboard, I also did not put in the semi-sun dried tomatoes as I am a bit funny with cooked tomatoes, it doesn't look very appetising but believe me it is:

Here is the recipe if any of you would like to try it:

1.5tbsp Olive Oil                                 
1 Large Onion - sliced
3 Celery sticks, Sliced                         
1/2 x 180g pack kale, spinach or pack choi, roughly shredded
2 Garlic cloves, crushed  (i used garlic flakes)                    
8 Semi-dried tomatoes
1tbsp tomato puree                             
750ml hot vegetable stock
290g can Borlotti beans, drained         
75g frozen broad beans (i used sweetcorn)
75g Frozen peas                                 
Few sprigs of fresh thyme (i used dry mixed herbs)

1.heat the oil in a large pan and slowly cook the onion and celery until soft
2. add the shredded greens and garlic, cook for another 2 minutes
3. stir in the tomatoes and puree, add the stock, beans, peas and thyme, simmer for 30 mins

This should serve 4 and has 424 calories per serving, you can serve with parmesan and garlic bread.

I got this recipe from the January Asda magazine and have never normally bothered cooking anything from these free mags but this looked so easy to do and very cheap, it works out about 95p per serving.  I will certainly try other things and will aim to do something new at least once a week.

Right my first person is due anytime soon so need to do a quick sweep of the house and look like I am a very lovely person.

Shellie B

Bed has arrived!!!!

Well as most of you know I have for the last couple of months been sleeping on an airbed which aggravated my back no end, so after much encouragement I treated myself to a new bed, only a cheap budget one as I have other things that need paying out too, well it arrived yesterday.

Here are some pictures of what my room looked like before so you can see how uncomfortable and horrible my bedroom looked, no wonder I never got a good nights sleep:

After

Before

I think the "After" picture still looks messy and would love to get a dressing table or some shelving to make it look neater, the next pictures are a massive improvement and "fingers crossed" the curtain rail is up, woo hoo.  Spent all day yesterday trying to sort it out, the wall is miles to hard to drill into and the no more nails glue I had was useless, I invested in some stronger glue as the DIY store did not have any heavy duty masonry drill bits in stock, left it all to set over night and it all seems quite sturdy, lets just hope I dont get awoken in the night with a curtain rail on my head.

After

Before

I am loving my new curtains, 1st time in 5 years this bedroom has had any curtains in it, they were only £7.44 instead of £24.89 from Argos and look so much better than online, they did not have the size I wanted in stock so I bought 2 pairs of the smaller ones, but 1 pair does fit so will take the others back today.  They are not lined but I have blinds in that window so it doesnt matter.  I have also put my "Heart" on the wall bought from CupcakeJoJo's folksy shop, goes so well with the colour scheme and I have also put up my "Trueblood" calender from Sophie, it finally feels like a bedroom now.

As mentioned as the beginning the bed was a "Budget" bed so I was not expecting anything grand but I was not expecting the castors to break just when the weight of the bed was put on them, I am still waiting for a response from the seller regarding this but am not hopeful, I have glued them and put tons of tape around them so hopefully another bodge fix job should do the trick.  The mattress is not very comfy but I may treat myself to a Memory Foam mattress topper which will be cheaper than buying a new mattress.

My first night in my new bed was not blissful, probably shock of being in a bed and not on the floor but I slept much better than I have in ages.  Right off to take packaging to the local tip, curtains back for a refund and maybe grap something nice for lunch.

Shellie B

So much for being positive in 2011

Well I have no idea what is going on with me, I am sitting here crying like a baby and even though I have only just got up, I still feel exhausted, I am just fed up with how I look, feel and with life in general I think.

My Cruse counsellor has not been since 16th December, so I have not had any support to see me through Xmas and New Year period, part of me thinks I must of peed her off so much with all my crap that she doesnt want to bother with me, like lots of friends in the past have done.

I have been trying really hard to do my Crochet and am struggling again to pick up my hook and do anything, I am thinking of shutting down my Folksy shop as no Sales this year yet, I think it was just for the run up to Xmas that I sold anything anyway.

I have not walked Beauty, Laura's dog, for 2 days and that makes me feel so guilty as I am here with her during the day and have to look at her little sad puppy eyes and listen to her wining, on the plus side all the animals are getting on, my cats are comfortable around the dog now and so its all back to normal, few spats with Angel and Talim but I just think thats because Angel is so playful and scares the sh*t out of everyone!!!!

On another plus side my bed is being delivered tomorrow, fingers crossed, so at least I know I will have something to do tomorrow, as I plan to change the room around, try and put up curtain rail and buy some thin curtains as I already have blinds in the window, want to try and make it more relaxing and like a proper bedroom for me.

Well I feel better for getting my thoughts out in the open on my blog, just hope I have not made anyone think *for gods sake does all she ever do is winge"!

Shellie B

1st post of 2011

Well I am not quite sure what has happened to me beginning of this year, I am very demoralised, sluggish, demotivated and just generally fed up, so much for my positive start to the New Year, I am going to put it down to the change of my meds again and them not having time to be working yet!!!!

Finally got my crochet hooks out again as really need to get some sales in my Folksy shop, not one this year yet *sob sob*, it is so difficult to know what is going to appeal to people out there, I may even resort to trying to sell on Ebay, especially as I am signed off for a further 2 months so I need some extra money to help survive.

Those of you reading my blog will get a sneaky peak preview of the new scarf I am going to be listing today, I love the colour so much that I am going to keep this for myself and make some mitt mitts in the same colour:

Its a very delicate scarf using a "Strawberry" pattern, which you can make out if you look closely, I also decided to make some mittens, even though I love fingerless gloves, I found my hands get so cold when de-icing the car or out walking the dog, I didnt want to just to plain ones and again wanted to discover a new stitch, so these are made with "Bobble" stitch:

Today I am going to try and make something for Valentines day that to put in my shop, I am also going to amend all my prices to include p&p, as I dont know about you but sometimes when I look for stuff and think its affordable, I have forgotten about the p&p and it is then out of my price range, hopefully this will be more appealing to people too.

I have joined a "weight loss" group on Twitter, #1babyelephant, but am not consciously dieting as budget only allows me so much to spend on food, which is not enough to buy lovely healthy stuff, but I am trying to start my walking every day again.

On a happy note I have treated myself to a new bed as I have, for the last few months, been sleeping on an airbed which is ok when you first get in it but it seems to go down during the night, its very "cold" to sleep on, I also struggle getting up from floor level so spend about 10 mins rolling around the bedroom trying to get up, god I bet my mum is having a good old giggle at her silly daughter when she looks in on me from beyond!!!!

Shellie B