Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Merry-go-round in May.............still

So I went to see Professor Grossman, who appeared to be in more of a hurry to get me out of the office as soon as I sat down..............long and short of it is "we still do not know why you are so poorly, we forgot to test for your thyroid so we will take more blood and see you in July, oh and you should also be seeing a kidney specialist!".

Not the answers I was looking for but he did prescribe me 3 months of the correct tablets, only to find out when I got home it was the wrong dosage and also the normal pills that I am already taking.  Fortunately my normal GP is off sick for 3 months so the fossil of a doctor I saw obviously decided I was in a right old state, as I sat there shaking and crying my eyes out, and prescribed me the tablets I should be on, even though the PCT has still not got round to approving them, bonus!!!!

Not much else has been happening, I am still a prisoner in my own home as I cannot be nice to people so its safer for everyone if I stay at home.  I know lots of people say you control your mood etc but I have just come off anti depressants after being on them for over 10 years, I do not have a job, I have no money, I am really fat and find it painful to move yes I am sorry I get very agitated, frustrated and depressed.

Enough of all that, today I am off to Preston as, everything crossed, Peter's operation will go ahead tomorrow, on my way to Preston I am meeting two lovely ladies for the first time, who are very special to me, my twinny Chelle and her sister Sam.  Am feeling very nervous as I am not good around people at the moment but they are so lovely so I am sure it will be ok, god I feel like crying just thinking about it.

I have also finished the baby blanket for Wendy Johnson, well ahead of schedule so thats good as I dont think a 16 year old would appreciate it as a present, the pattern is called Mayflower, I think I may even have enough wool left over to make a teddy in the same colours
Short blog this time but its more of an update as I am due to head off on my journey, will leave you a picture of my beautiful Tiffany chilling in sunpuddles =^..^=

Shellie B x

Saturday, 12 May 2012

May the month of May be the month I get answers?

Well where to start?  Not much has gone on really, infact NOTHING.  Oh I did get the results from my last 6 month scan and apparently my kidney tumours have grown but nothing to worry about...........easy for them to say!  I was also quite shocked at how surprised they were when I called the genetics clinic to ask how much they had grown by and what the current size was, surely as it is my body at the end of the day, then I am entitled to ask?

So after having a meltdown over the fact that I also have another tumour on my left kidney, I am still left worrying about my adrenals and pancreas.  I am STILL not on the correct drug that Professor Grossman advised my GP that I should be on back in March, apparently all the forms are completed and now we wait for the PCT to approve funding, in the meantime I get worse and no ones gives a damn, NHS wise that is, I do have some concerned friends out there who probably are getting sick of me complaining all the time, I know that I am getting sick of complaining all the time.

As my bones and joints are hurting so much and if I want to go for a walk I have to use a stick as my balance goes, I decided to buy a bike, well I went out on my bicycle and ran out of energy about a mile from home, I also had real pain in my wrists which was a shock but at least I didnt have any pain in my ankles, which was the point of trying to cycle instead of walking, so that form of exercise is out the window and I am debating taking my bike back to the recycle centre and see how much they will give me for it as its just sitting in the hallway getting in the way.  I then decided that maybe I should try swimming, the local government baths are not so busy as gyms, so I decided to get a leisure card, which as I am on benefits only cost £7.00 for the year instead of £17.00 and you get money off each time you go.  An off-peak swim is only £2.20 so I should be able to afford that a couple of times a week.  I have downloaded an app that gives me all the swim times for my local pools and I can even sign up to some challenges, I have done one already which was 24 lengths.  Even though I feel fine in the swimming pool, I do get a bit of back ache but I just change which swimming stroke I am doing, I find that once I get out of the pool that I my whole body weighs a ton and I struggle to get back to the changing rooms, I am hoping a few more swimming session will make my legs stronger and I will not suffer so badly.

May the 17th is a big day as I am off to see the Wizard the Wonderful Wizard of Oxford, well infact I am off to see Professor Grossman but that sounded better.  I am going on my own which is not a good idea but everyone else has lives so I cannot expect them to be there at my beck and call, especially as I do not like asking for help.  I went armed with questions last time but never asked any, I get too emotional and I just cannot think straight, it is going to be harder this time as I am now anti-depressant free and have been since 15th March, it has not been easy and I am a complete nightmare to be around.  I really hope he has some answers for me as things are getting very difficult for me and financially it is all become too much and I cannot deal with the stress for much longer.

The days I cannot get out I am doing more crochet, I have about 4 projects on the go at the moment, my favourite is the baby blanket I am making for my wonderful friend in Milton Keynes, Wendy Johnson.  As I am not sure if she is expecting a boy or girl I am doing it in multi coloured wool and it is coming out very pretty.  I also made a sheep from a book I was given one christmas by the wonder Karen and Ian Lawrence, I will make more from the book when I feel well enough to try a new pattern.

We also have a new member to the family, a white male cat who was called Stinky but I have renamed him Merlin, he is deaf and has one blue eye and one green eye.  He has a special collar with a tag that tells people he is deaf and has my telephone number on it as he loves to explore outside, he mainly sits up very high so that he can have a good view on what is going on around him, so that nothing can sneak up and surprise him.  He loves Poppy the bunny but I am not sure she feels the same, he is also very clumsy and leaves a trail of destruction behind him, I suppose because he cannot hear the plates, cutlery or ornaments falling down after he has walked by and knocked them off with his tail then he is non the wiser, he does make me laugh and has the most cutest face ever so I cannot be cross with him for long.

The sun is deciding to go and hide so I need to get Poppy back in, she scratched me to bits today when I was trying to catch her to put her out into her run, I wish she would realise that I am not going to hurt her but was making her have a nicer day by going outside to run and jump about, I must try and handle her more.  I leave you all with my special little friend who turned up last week, Aleksandr Orlov!
All my love,

Shellie B xxx

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