Sunday, 9 October 2011

Exhausted and waiting for answers

As I have not been sleeping very well and am on quite a cocktail of drugs at the moment, Viepax 3 x 75mg a day, Diazepam 3 x 2mg a day, Co-Codomal 500mg lots of times a day and then there is Zopiclone 7.5mg to be taken at night.  I have been too reluctant to take the Zopiclone during a "school" night so took one last might, well I am still trying to come round and feel lousy, so I definately will not be taking them during the week, I have a headache but I am too scared to take a Co-Codomal as that might completely knock me out on top of everything else.

Currently I am waiting on a phone call from either Consultant at the Churchill or John Radcliffe in Oxford to let me know the resuls of the urine samples I did last weekend.  If they are high I will then probably just have a day/half days notice to advise me that I have to go into hospital to be put onto some medication to control my blood pressure and counter-act the adrenal that is being released from the tumor/s on my adrenal gland/s.  I thought I would be put on this medicaton to take at home but apparently it can be quite dangerous as it could make me collapse etc.  Once they get the medication right I will then be advised of the date for the surgery, they anticipate that I would be on the medication for 6 weeks, so we are looking at November.  They have told me it would be an emergency operation due to the fact I could end up with Heart Damage or even a Bleed to the Brain.

Am I scared, gosh I dont know what I am at the moment.  All I know is that none of my tumors have ever given me symptoms before, not even my brain tumor that I had removed 13 years ago but since that operation I have never felt well and sometimes wish I had not had it done.  I am hoping the opposite to this one and hope that I come out from it all feeling so much better and can maybe finally reduce my anti depressant medication and my old self will re-emerge.

These tumors in the Adrenal glands are very nasty things, they are not huge, right one 7mm, left one 1.7mm, but to now see what effect these are having on me mentally is amazing, they are driving me insane.  I go from being my normal funny, wacky and best friend you could ever wish for to a complete gloomy, moody, miserable, attention seeking freak!  One minute I can be coping all ok and then the next minute I have to run into a quiet room at work and sit and cry for 20 minutes, rining round my VHL clinic for support as I get so overwhelmed and just cannot understand/cope with what is going on, the frightening thing is that is makes me completely out of control, the urge to demolish rooms in the house or scream at work is scary.

As I didnt get the results on Friday then I should get them on Monday.  I have my new PJ's ready and new knickers, my Mummy bear holding a baby teddy will be coming with me as I bought that one mothers day after losing mum and she does give me comfort, I can image my mummy teddy will have lots of cuddles over the next couple of months..

I finish this blog off in tears as I do not know what the next week will hold for me, if the results come back ok what will the next step be as I KNOW there is something seriously wrong with me mentally & Physically and it is NOT my depression as I have had this for years but never any like this.

I hope you all have a peaceful Sunday and if you have family, pick up the phone and tell them how much you love them, resolve any silly family arguements as you only get one family and when they are gone a huge gap appears in your life that you never realised would exist and you can never get that back.

Take care my beautiful friends,

Shellie B xxxx

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Pheochromocytomas - what are they and what affect do they have on people?

Those that have known me for a long time will have seen a change in my behaviour from when I was off ill last year, we all put this down to me having to change my medication and then struggling to find the right ones to work for me, even my doctor has got frustrated as I have continously told her that the tablets are not working.

After talking to other VHL sufferers, I now have a better understanding of what is happening with me mentally and why, so I thought what better way to try and explain it to those who have never heard of VHL or understand what tumors in certain parts of your body can do or change a person.

There is a website out there in the tinternet called VHL Family Alliance and they have just carried out a survey on this particular type of tumor, the write up is very spooky as so much of it rings true with me, the next few paragraphs are extracts from the report and detail exactly what I have and am experiencing.

Delayed Diagnosis Hurts:
During the time people were waiting for their diagnosis, people reported many serious issues. First, of course, their symptoms worsened, making it difficult to concentrate, undermining their energy and stamina. As the tumors grew, serious emotional fragility developed, sometimes resulting in explosive temper which caused problems at work and in relationships. Even worse, the fact that their doctors did not believe they were sick, or accused them of using drugs, or of hypochondria or other psychiatric disorders had a severe impact on their feelings of self-worth and frequently led to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Many said they felt they had lost control of their lives. People with such advanced tumors often had some of the symptoms even after the tumor was removed.

No one believed I was sick:
As people read our checklist of symptoms that might occur, several were surprised to realize they could be indicative of a pheo. Some said they were embarrassed to discuss some of these symptoms with their doctor, not thinking they were related: heavy sweating, constipation or chronic diarrhea, nervous tremors or tics, anxiety or feelings of doom. Dizziness, fatigue, and headaches were usually reported.

Heart Disease:
The chemicals generated by the pheo may cause the heart to race, the blood pressure to become erratic, nervous tics, and/or moderate to severe headaches, all of which might raise concerns of a heart attack or stroke

Psychological Issues:
When patients report anxiety, panic attacks, feelings of doom, fatigue, sometimes alternating with spurts of boundless energy, and mood swings for no good reason, it is logical to think this person is under stress at home, work or school, or has some more serious psychological issue going on. Many people were referred for psychiatric counseling and/or prescribed drugs.

  • Severe emotional trauma within the family unit by constant disregard by health professionals and being made to feel like idiots when clearly something serious was occurring.
  • The first pheo took 3 years to find. I thought I had major psychiatric issues during that time.
  • If the doctors tell you often enough that you’re crazy, you begin to believe it. Certainly my wife believed them and left with the kids.
  • I found it difficult to control my anger when my adrenaline spiked (recognized it after diagnosis)
  • Anxiety so bad that at one time I was suicidal and even self-medicated with alcohol and felt better when I did this. As soon as I got sober, the issues came back.
I recognise so much from those paragraphs above and even more from the comments some of the people on the Survey made and even though I am really scared, I am also really relieved that I do have something growing inside me that is causing all these issues and it can be taken away from me.

I have two hospital appointments to go to over the next couple of weeks, 29th Sept and 3rd Oct, hopefully by then I will have answers and a plan of action on how we are going to tackle this and make me better, my GP is still not convinced these Pheos are active but I know my mind and body better than anyone else and I know something is not right and hasn't been for ages.

During this time I have also lost and upset some very dear friends because I could not control my emotions, temper or anxiety, I just wish I had known there was a reason behind it as I might have been able to explain to them better why I was being so unreasonable.

I still live in hope,
Shellie B

If you want to read the full survey it can be found here.

Friday, 9 September 2011

MOT for 5th Sept 2011

Well I decided that as I have not attended clinic since 2008 that I had better go this year and I also wanted to meet the new clinical nurse for genetics, I even made a huge effort and did my 24hr urine sample.

Unfortunately Angel went missing on the Saturday before I was due to go to the clinic so I really didnt want to go but good friends told me that I still need to take care of myself, so I headed off and when I had got halfway to Oxford I realised I had left my 24hr urine sample at home!

It took them about 10 minutes to be able to find a good enough vein in my arm to be able to inject the dye, once the MRI was over I headed to outpatients to see the Genetics Doctor and then the eye specialist.  Dr Halliday did not seem too worried about things and informed me they were having a meeting about the scans on Thursday, 8th Sept and that they would write to me with the results in about 2-3 weeks time.  My eyes were all ok but they want to take a photograph of my left eye which is the one I had the problems with earlier this year.

So I headed off home, all anxious, as I just wanted to go searching for Angel.  Thursday came round pretty quickly and I was in London attending all day meetings, so it wasnt until I was on the train back home that I saw I had three missed calls with messages, they were from the hospital, my heart sank as they have never called me about my results before, I also had a missed call from my GP, wow I was popular!

So my VHL has decided its been a bit neglected and wants some attention, its very kindly given me some extra tumors to think about, 1 in my pancreas and 1 on each adrenal gland.  I am not very sure what this means but all I know is that I have to do a further two 24 hr urine samples and am being referred to two different consultants.

In a way I am very relieved as I have not been feeling well for a while and started to feel like I was just becoming a lazy old lady, who just moaned about being stressed and down all the time, with no willpower but now I know I have these extra lumps, it could be them that are making me feel how I am.

All there is left for me to do now is play the waiting game and see what happens next.......

Shellie B xxx

Friday, 5 August 2011

Tribunal Decision

Well the day finally came, my stress levels had gone out the roof again and I drove to the Benefits Tribunal feeling sick, shaking and wanting a big hole to swallow me up and take me to somewhere peaceful, full of love and where you dont get judged.

I sat outside nervously waiting for them to come and get me, they had tried to call me in the morning so I was even more anxious but as soon as I walked in they told me that the Department were wrong in their decision and they believed that I was entitled to Employment and Support Allowance (ESA), that was why they had tried to call.  They had rescored me 18 points instead of the zero the useless doctor who I had to see awarded me at the medical, you have to score at least 15 to be entitled to this benefit.

I am so glad I stayed strong and fought this to the end, imagine those that just give up and dont want the hassle, what a huge waste of stress it has caused, let a lone the cost to them for taking it this far, below is the revised score they gave me:

  • 2 (e) Cannot stand for more than 30 minutes, even if free to move around, before needing to sit down = 6 points
  • 3 (c) Cannot bend, kneel or squat, as if to pick up a light object off the floor and straighten up again without the help of another person = 6 points
  • 16 (d) Cannot, due to cognitive impairment or a severe disorder of mood or behaviour, initiate or sustain personal action without requiring frequent verbal prompting given by another person in the claimant's presence = 6 points
So Dr Michael Kamburov (Approved Disability Analyst) who scored me zero after my medical exam but was more interested in getting home as it was carried out on a Sunday and who I could not even understand half the time and Sarah Mitchell in the Jobcentre Plus who reviewed my appeal, I think you need further job training or maybe a change of career, how many other people have you put through this meaningless act just for it to be overturned, mine was overturned without them even questioning me or even before they saw me.

So this means I dont have to pay any of my benefits back and I can continue looking forward to the future instead of trying to sort out the past, thank you to all my lovely friends who have supported me and helped me get through this, you have all been and are so crucial in my recovery.

Shellie B xxx

Saturday, 30 July 2011

How did I manage to reach this milestone?

For those that have followed my blog from the start, you will already know that I suffer very badly with depression, got in a rut of sitting around and not going out and losing all interest in looking after myself, which has then resulted with problems with my feet/ankles/back and putting on over 5 stone of weight.  Even with all this going on I have reached a very important milestone in my life, with just the help of some wonderful friends and no interaction with my family.

The 29th July 2010 was the day that I had my last drinking binge which then resulted in a drug overdose, it made me look at myself and ask what the hell I was doing.  It has been a hard struggle to not drink but I just knew if I thought I could sneak in a glass of wine one evening that it would not end there, so I banned myself from buying any alcohol, unless I was out socially and knew that I would be coming home to no bottles anywhere in the house.

As I mentioned earlier I suffer with really bad feet/ankles and also my back so the doctor put me on repeat prescription for co-codomal, which normally knock your socks off but I got to the stage where taking 6 at a time had no effect, I told her Monday to remove these from my repeat prescription as I was misusing them.

The last month has been very emotional in work and at home, so much so that I even took 4 days holiday to completely chill and take some time for me.  My beloved Angel became very ill, the vet said there was a high probability she had FIP or Lymphoma, they wanted to do more tests but she had already had blood taken, been on a drip and I felt this was stressing her out even more.  I insisted that they give me some medication and I would treat her at home, in that time I took her to another vet who said high probability that it was Leukemia.  I was in pieces, Angel had just turned 5 and I was not ready to say goodbye to her yet but she looked so thin and slept so much.

I am pleased to say with her being fed very special food, sometimes by hand, syringing water into her little mouth and giving her lots of love she started to turn a corner.  Her temperature returned to normal, she started being more like herself and her energy came back, she is still very thin but I am still feeding her the special food to build her back up again.

I have also joined Slimming World as I just cannot seem to stay on track to lose weight and feel that having the pressure of being weighed I will be more determined to suceed, also I am very competitive so I want to be the biggest lose every week in a more positive way!  The first meeting was last Thursday, I got to the car park and nearly drove out again, I got to the door and wanted to run but I went in, I was very emotional but held it together, well that was until the very end when everyone was going and I signed up and stepped on the scales.

I am going to put in here how much I weighed as I want to be able to look back and see how I have done, the display read 15st 4.5lbs, I burst into tears with disgust at how I had left myself get to this stage, I was always around 8st before my head op and then after fluctuated between 9st & 10st.  Carrie, the Slimming World host gave me a hug and said how proud she was of me even going, I drove home in tears and told myself I did this to me and only I can change it.  I also took my measurements which goes in my progress book, again I was shocked 48" 45" 54", I only used to be a size 32A, no wonder I cant bend over with those bazookers getting in the way!!!!

We have also had more visitors coming into the garden, I think Chino has been spreading the word that it is a safe haven, luckily though they like living wild so I am happy to lend them my shed to have a nap!

We have, however, got a new addiction to our lovely family which was not planned!  I popped into Pets at Home to get Angel her special food and just saw the most adorable bunny rabbit, looking at me, all lost and lonely.  In the other enclosures there were lots of rabbits but this poor little thing was all on her own, I just knew straight away she belonged with us.

I really felt that we deserved it after the trauma of Angel and me reaching my milestone, what better way to celebrate and give a little animal a forever home, also the cats share a birthday all within 2 weeks of each other so I felt they deserved a new friend to love and play with.  I have called her Poppy as her hutch is called Poppy's Den and I think it really suits her, as the weather is so lovely I have treated her to a Rabbit run, but it is flat packed so I had better go and put it together for her so she can have a run around whilst I crochet.

Shellie B x

HM Queen's visit

Well what excitement there was at work, we knew that there was going to be a Royal visit to Bletchley Park on the 15th July 2011, where our offices are located, but we never imagined it would be the Queen herself!!!!

There was only myself and Shane in the office and as the other Account Manager over in Galway was on annual leave so I had to really beg for us to be allowed to watch her visit, we were even given flags to wave for when she arrived.

Her helicopter suddenly appeared overhead and everyone cheered, I actually started to feel quite excited and then her car appeared and I nearly peed my pants!!!!   I am not a royalist but who can say that the queen walked past where they work and waved at you???

We had to wait for her to be shown round various attractions at Bletchley Park before she made her way down to the Memorial, once we were out of the office we were not allowed back in or to wonder around the estate, so many secret service and security around made it all suddenly become clear how important her visit was.  She stopped and chatted to some of the school children that had been invited along to see the event and then walked past our offices, before stopping to meet some very important people (I was far too important for her to meet so took pictures) and then unveiled the memorial.

Excitement all over with it was time for her to head home and feed the Corgi's, besides I needed to get back to work so insisted that she left, otherwise she would have been there all day. She gave me a little wave as she walked back to the car and then sped off doing donuts and hand brake turns on the way back to the helicopter!!!!

Shellie B xxx

Monday, 13 June 2011

Shake, Rattle and Roly Poly

So today I have been to the doctors because I am thoroughly fed up of taking a step forward but then stagger back 10, I am at my wits end and do not want to end up where I was this time last year.

I went with my list:
  1. Do not feel tablets are working, very irratible, mood very low and cannot see anything positive on the horizon
  2. Cannot exercise due to pain in my ankles, this pain wakes me up, can hardly put any weight on them in the morning when I get out of bed, feet go numb when exercising
  3. Shooting pain from my groin to the top of my foot, not all the time but when it comes on I double over in pain.
  4. Cannot lose weight and am finding it really depressing
Doctors answer "we can only deal with one of those things today, which one is it?"  So I opted for trying to shed the weight as that is preventing me from exercising, restricts me at my job when I am in London and need to walk around quite a bit etc, its also making me really depressed at how fat and gross I look, I struggle sleeping as cannot get comfortable.

Doctors answer "ok lets deal with your feet"  Apparently I am putting too much pressure/strain on my tendons, my feet are red hot and inflamed around that area, I am also not wearing the right footwear, I need to be wearing supportive trainers..............I am not allowed to wear trainers to work!

Outcome, I have come away with 4 prescriptions and am now £30 worse off:
  • Venlafaxine 75mg = 56 tablets
  • Solpadol 30/500mg = 100 tablets
  • Naproxen 500mg = 56 tablets
  • Temazepam 10mg = 14 tablets
All I can say "its a good job I am not suicidal", oh hold on I am and I told her that, maybe she has had enough of hearing me winging and touching my smelly feet lol

Not sure if this is a good idea but I am currently colouring my hair, if that goes wrong then the clippers I bought for the cats are coming out, just call me Miss Stoned Baldybonce!!!!!

Shellie B xxx

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Snap out of it!!!!!

Over the last few weeks I have been so down, not really knowing why, wanted attention and not go any, am hating everything in my life but as my good friend @tarquydrawers said, look where I was this time last year, so this blog is going to do that.

This time last year I was facing being out of work as my contract was not being renewed.  My happy pills were causing problems with my bladder so I was coming off them to try a different one.  My house was on the market and in a terrible state.  I was binge drinking and making myself very ill, physically and mentally, including taking overdoses when drunk as it seemed like a good idea.  My general view on life was that I was tired and wanted it all to end.

So what is different this year, I have a fabulous job for the money I wanted to be earning and am doing very well at it.  I have joined a gym and am fighting to get my fitness back and self respect.  I do not drink.  Even though I rehomed two cats last year I have given a poor lost cat a lovely new home where he is very loved by me and the girls.  I have a lodger who is friendly and seems to like me for who I am.  I have re-invented myself with a new hairstyle and a brand new tattoo.  My house is looking lovely as I redecorated last year.  I know how to crochet, cross stitch and am learning to sketch.

The negative things in my life at the moment are that I cant seem to have any willpower to diet or go to the gym regularly, I still feel very sorry for myself and demand attention, then throw a wobbly when I dont get attention and cut those people out from my life.  I have arrears on my mortgage which are being paid each month, I have trouble sleeping which makes me tired and irratible, which then makes me in a bad mood because I hate being miserable to people.  I have an addiction to Co-Codomal so much that I take 6 or 8 at a time and they have no effect on me now.

Plan of action to make more out of my life, be thankful for the roof over my head and for the unconditional love shown to me by 5 little faces every time I see them.  Research into a good diet that I can stick to, one that is not too expensive and easy to follow and prepare.  Make a rota and exercise plan for the gym.  Be thankful that I have a good job, one where I am appreciated.  Clear mortgage arrears and get IVA sorted for unsecured debt.

So from next week I will be starting my plan of action and will try not to be so hard on those around me just because I am tired and miserable.

Shellie B

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Time for Change

For the last year I have kept on saying that I really want to lose the weight i have put on over the last few years through binge drinking, lack of exercise and really unhealthy eating but I just have not had the motivation to do it, well this year is going to be different.  Even though I really hate how I look at the moment I am posting a picture with this blog to motivate me even more because everytime I look at it I just feel disgust, I have also put a picture of the weight I always was before the brain tumor/steroids/binge drinking and junk food diet.

Since I have stopped the binge drinking and was offered a really fab job I have found a new reason for living and looking after myself, so I have joined DW Sports, bit expensive but it has a swimming pool and lots of eqiupment which means there is always something to free to exercise on, I have also started a carb free diet and have diet & toning protein drinks.  My aim last week was to go to the gym everyday but with the events of Chino and then having to collect my glasses I only managed 2 but was pleased that I burned 400 calories each time.

I struggle so much when people at work eat crisps as I automatically want to snack so I bought some trail mix and have now got used to munching on this.  My normal days diet consists of trail mix for mid morning, salad and low fat chocolate mousse for lunch, protein shake late afternoon and then meat cooked in griddle pan accompanied with a big portion of steamed veg to fill me up, I started this diet approx 2 weeks ago.
As trail mix has raisins or currants in I decided to make my own using, mixture of nuts (Peanuts, Walnuts, Brazil nuts, Hazelnuts, Almonds), Diced Pineapple, Diced Papaya, Banana Chips and Toasted Coconut, the reason I do this is because if I really cant stomach something then I will not stick to the diet, I also have a mixture of seeds which are coated in soya, they are so tasty.  I buy all these ingredients from The Dailybread, I could easily spend a fortune in there.

On Saturday I had all my hair chopped off and my first ever spray tan, my lodger came home today and said how much it suited me and that I looked like I had lost weight, was so chuffed!!!  To finish my weekend pampering off I painted my nails, the wonderful @sophieissmall sent me a lovely package filled of goodies and one of them was Barry M Emerald Green nail varnish which I topped off with Barry M Black Nail Effects and a sparkly top coat, love the finished effect.
FINALLY, I am so pleased to announce that I have  LOST 10 LBS in just 2 weeks - my starting weight was 15.6 stone............

Shellie B

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Chino's Incredible Journey

Those that follow me on Twitter or have access to my Facebook know that I have another cat, I did not choose to get another one as I thought 3 were enough to keep me company, instead this gorgeous creature found us.

It was a lovely sunny day on the Sunday, 1st May so I decided I would spend some time weeding the back garden, as my health is still not back 100% I have to sit on the floor to do each section and then move to the next, whilst sitting on the floor this kind of manky evil looking cat appeared, not one I had seen before but I was really surprised to see how friendly it was, it stayed around me all the time I was in the garden and even was still out there after I had come back in.

The next time I ventured out the back was Tuesday 3rd May after work and this sorry looking cat came running out of my shed meowing at me, it looked starving so I fed it, the poor little cat then came into the kitchen and ate my 3 cats dinner, as soon as I tried to shut the door it ran into the garden.  The next morning I opened the door to see if it was still there and again it came running out of the shed, this time I left it some food and water outside.

By Friday morning I was quite concerned because it look like a pedigree cat, so convinced that it would have a microchip I took it to the vets (me and Chino off to vets in piccie below)  and sure enough it did, I called the company the chip was registered with and learnt that he was called Chino and about 5-6 years old, they tried to contact the registered owner but they had moved and no one knew where she had gone.  I instantly called round all the vets and gave them all the information I had about him and had also advertised him as found on nationalpetregister.

Over the weekend Chino had been coming into the house from the patio doors, eventually he learnt how to use the catflap and found his space on the bed, my 3 did not seem bothered about him apart from Tiffany but that was just because she was jealous of the attention, by Tuesday I did not think that we would find the owner but had a telephone call at work and then is when I learn't of his sad story.

His owner had gone through some personal issues and was left homeless so she found new owners for Chino and his brother (I was horrified when I found out he had a brother as he was on his own).  That person promised to keep them together but unfortunately her children had an allergy to the cats, so Bagpuss (Chinos brother) was put in a cattery and Chino was given to someone in a flat in Kings Heath.  His owner wanted him back but I wanted to find out more as she had given up ownership so really he did no belong to her anymore, was her accommodation stable enough to have him back, what was best for Chino?  After an emotional conversation with his first owner I told her I was not happy to unsettle him again as he was very relaxed and seemed really happy at home with me and the girls, I could not imagine what the poor thing had gone through, being rehomed twice, seperated from his brother and then either abandoned or lost.

The next day me and his 1st owner spoke again as I was feeling a bit guilty and wondered if I was being mean, oh thank you to @supernatural, @chellelouou and @tarquaydrawers for reading my rambling emails and helping me rationalise the situation, anyway she had come to the decision that as he was settled he should stay with me, she was very anxious as she wanted to make sure that I would take good care of him, I promised to keep in contact with her and now she is a friend on my facebook so she can see regular pictures I post of him and I have told her she is welcome to come and visit in a couple of weeks to put her mind at rest and see how well he is doing and what a loving home he now has.

A couple of days later she sent me a mail through Facebook as she had found out where in Kings Heath Chino had been rehomed, I looked this up on google maps and was stunned to see how far he had travelled to find his forever home, the map below shows where he started from to get to me, obviously he may not have stuff to the paths lol
I still think its nothing short of a miracle that he found his way to my house and everytime I look at him my heart breaks as I see the trusting eyes and happy content face and I just cant help but think how can someone abandon him like that.  I do also wonder if maybe someone dumped him in the field next to my house and maybe he followed the girls home as there is no way mine would have gone that far, infact I know they dont even go out to the road and very rarely go out into the front garden.

Who would have thought a little lost soul would want to come and live with me, I feel so honoured and think that maybe my mum guided him to me as she knew I would do what was best for him, I am also amazed at how well my 3 get on with him, they just accepted him like he has always lived with us.

The only thing left to do for him now so that he feels part of the gang is to give him his own twitter account as he cant be known as a sassy sisfur, but I cannot think of a name that would suit him, if anyone has any ideas please post below, there is a prize up for grabs which is great if you are a cat or a cat owns you, kindly donated by @phoebeiscrazy.

Time to go and snuggle with my lovely furry family, Chino is never far from me and has to be touching so he knows that I am not going anywhere, I my new extended family so much..............

Shellie B

Monday, 2 May 2011

May Day Fun

Another lovely short week at work which flew by and then the Royal Wedding, I did not think I would watch it but was glued to the box as I wanted to see the wedding dress, well worth the wait and she looked stunning.

I spent the next day in bed poorly and then Sunday I tackled the back garden, did most of it but still one side of it left to do, hopefully only couple of hours work, at least I can now open the blinds for the patio doors as it doesnt look too bad out there now.

Today (May Day) I went and visited @anansi_ and @tarquydrawers in Coventry and we spent the afternoon in a lovely little village called Little Itchington (I think), I had my first (and probably last) Buffalo Burger, we saw some Morris Dancers and I recalled a childhood activity, horseriding, when we saw 2 beautiful shire horses

After we finished talking to the horses we went to the local pond, if you look closely you can see the ducklings.....................honest!!!

Then we headed off to The Blue Lias (I think that is what is was called) at Stockton and sat outside next to the canal for a drink, we did want some lunch but the kitchen was closed so we had a gorgeous curry just down the road from Mr and Mrs Trumpydrawers.

It was an absolutely beautiful day, spent in the most wonderful company, cannot wait to visit them again.

Shellie B

Thursday, 28 April 2011

A bit Sketchy

Never one for being content, I always like to set myself new challenges, the biggest one this year so far has been my job but thankfully that is all settling down now and I seem to be getting respect from all levels throughout the business.  I am known for finding bugs in the software, my boss thinks its great but the poor developers feel a bit upset that they are there, CEO is amazed none of them have been found before.  Those of you that know me I am like a dog with a bone and test the hell out of things to make sure they work before I give the go ahead for it to be used.  Even D is now asking for my help and we are quite often found sitting huddled round a PC working through problems together, we are even known to have a right laugh at work now, such a great place to work, how many offices can you play ineundo bingo involving the directors?????

Last year whilst I was not fit to work I challenged myself to learn cross-stitch and crochet, both I managed after a few tantrums and now I want to push myself even more so have started to learn how to sketch, my first picture is below.............and yes I am learning how to sketch cats lol

Not bad for 1st attempt, hopefully its obvious that its a cat!!!!  Feeling quite motivated I then sketched some more and tried different pencils to get a variety of shading effects

I even took my sketchpad into work and sat round the lake at lunchtime

Finally I tried to sketch from a photograph of Tiffany, I definately need much more practise but my aim is to be able to sketch from pictures and then to learn Water Colouring, I hope you will come back to see how I progress and hopefully improve

Shellie B

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Shaking of hands and crossing fingers

Well I put a brave face on today and went into work, got there about 7.30am as I was wide awake, my boss dropped in on his way to the station and thanked me for coming in, D walked in about 8.15am and ignored me so I made a point of saying hello to break the ice.

My boss had already informed me that the Managing Director was travelling from Wales to be in the office as no management would be in, what he didnt say was that he was coming to try and sort the situation out.  It was my turn first to say what I thought and believe me I did, then I went and got D so they could both have a chat, then I was called in.

MD had a little speech about how we need to work together etc etc, how we have to be prepared to listen to explanations, ask for help etc, this is all I have ever wanted then to my surprise D actually apologised to me and very sincerely, I think what happened last night made him realise how tough I was finding his behaviour, I also think his wife gave him bit of a talking to about it all.

So we all shook hands and today has been amazing, I have carried on as usual, have been watching how I have been asking or answering anything but D has been coming to me for help, we have been joking and laughing, he made me 2 cups of coffee.  What has made me so happy is that he has asked for my help 1st thing tomorrow as he does not know much about Excel and he is struggling to do something, as I normally get there just after 8am and so does D we are going to work together before 9am, this is a 1st for D on all levels.

So fingers crossed that this is the start of a new professional and respectful partnership, oh and to make my day even more perfect I received a holiday present from the most wonderful couple in the world, Mr Ian Lawrence and Mrs Karen Lawrence, friends that I truly value and hope to know for the rest of my life, isn't it just lovely and looks so much like my Abigail:
 Shellie B

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Do I not deserve good things in my life?

Well I knew it couldnt last, whenever I love something, put my heart and soul into it, it always comes to an abrupt end and so it has happened again, I tried not to get too involved with it all but I was so in my element and loved the variety I just couldnt help it.

What am I referring to you all job.  I have not been this heartbroken for a long long time but after biting my tongue for so long regarding a work colleague and then having our 2nd sit down with a manager present, I just cannot see things improving so I have resigned.  They said it would have to be escalated and the Managing Director would have to make a decision, so I have done that for them, I was last in so I should be the first to go.

What bought all this on you ask?  My colleague and fellow Account Manager just cannot communicate with me, he does not seem capable of offering the correct support to my clients, will not tell me when he is dealing with any of my clients, which incidently I copy him into every email I respond to on his behalf and email him a note if I have helped someone over the telephone, can he do this for me NO and I believe the reason he wont is because he knows he cant help them.

Example 1: client rang up who should only be able to view 2 areas within the business to manage with, they could see everyone, did he know what to do?  NO, did he ask me? NO he called the guy in Ireland who isnt familiar with the account!    He has been with the company for 9 months, I  have been with the company 1.5 months, do I know my accounts inside out? NO  As soon as I searched for the customer I could see they had TWO admin profiles set up on the account, 1 correctly and 1 incorreclty, SIMPLE but could he see that NO!  I called the customer back, explained what had happened, got him to log in again, all hunky dory.

Example 2: client rang up as could not log into system, they forwarded the email to him with the link on, this person worked for Company B and a link from the email took them to Company A, could he work this out, NO but he did send her the correct link so at least she could log in this time.  So I asked the email to be forwarded to me, it was a request for a new password, obviously as she could not log in she thought she had forgotten the password.  I contacted the customer to enquire how she initially got to that Link, she had it set in her favourites which means next time she uses the system she will get the same problem and be very frustrated, the said person is a PA to someone very high up in that company.  So I asked for her to delete the link in her favourites and sent her the correct link to save instead, SIMPLE.

Does any of the above sound difficult to anyone? would you need lengthly training to know how an account worked?  Am I being too harsh when I honestly (in our open discussion meeting) said I didn't want him dealing with any of my accounts as he doesnt do enough investigation into the actual ROOT problem, ask me if he doesnt know and does not then let me know they called or needed support.

I tried so hard to be open in the meeting so that we could try and get some kind of working relationship going but after being called Silver Tongued, talked over with a raised voice (even the director had to ask him to lower his voice) and raising their eyes to the ceilng everytime I spoke, I just could not take anymore.

I loved my job so much, I have achieved so much in the short time I have been there, I have won round 2 accounts that were on the verge of leaving and even got an order worth £4.5K out of one of them which everyone was gobsmacked about, well apart from you know who.

It was never my intention to go in and cause any friction or push anyone out of a job, I have just gone in and been conscientious, hardworking, passionate, helpful and maybe a bit too nurturing over my own accounts, but I am not going to apologise for my work ethics, I pride myself so much on the quality of my work but I can only take so much from someone who will not work with me or ridicules me for working extra hours, I just hope my fellow colleagues will be truthful if questioned about certain things.

I was hoping by putting all this on my blog it would help me put everything in perspective but I just cant stop crying, this was my last chance to keep my home, car and belongs.  I am not sure where I go from here or how it will all turn out...................

Shellie B

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Gardening and Sunday Sunshine

Its that time of the year again when the weeds have been growing at their hearts content, loving the rain, sun, rain and sun, if only I could grow pretty flowers as well as I can grow weeds.

Those that know me know that I normally wait until about September when the Garden is overgrown to do anything about it but after my mammoth revamp of the house and garden last year I decided to start early, hopefully that it will be easier to keep on top off it all.  I started on the front garden as this is what everyone who comes to my house sees, here are some before and after photos.

I seem to have to this stuff that is like a huge spider and branches out all over the place, its easy to pick out but there is so much of it, I still have lots do to on the main bit but my hands and back have given up on me and I still have the ironing to do, not bad though for me as I normally can only manage a very small bit at a time.

Tiffany, Angel and Abigail did venture out to see what I was up to, Angel decided to hide in the recyle bin, Tiffany kept watch at the gate to make sure no rubbish came flying in and Abigail helped flatten the weeds!!!!!!!
Shellie B

New Glasses, Angiomas and Confessions

After starting my new job and having a new funky hairstyle, I thought it was time to get my eyes checked as I have been getting alot of headaches and also my eyes stream quite a lot and I get pain behind my left eye, going for my check up I got more than I bargain for!!!!

Firstly I do have to commend Specsavers on the wonderful checks they do on your eyes, I went for an eye test and also a check up for getting new contact lenses, I have never seen so much machinery for eyes and even though I was getting fed up of being there so long, I am now very grateful for the time and care they took on checking my eyes.

When using the ophthalmoscope to examine the retina at the back of the eyes they have found part of my retina missing and 2 "spots" at the back of my left eye, they asked me to go back to have some drops put in to dilate my pupil so they could have a closer look.  I went back the next Saturday when collecting my new glasses and they confirmed what they had originally seen, they referred me to MK General hospital to be seen the next week.

I had my appointment on Thursday, I was there for over 2 hrs and by the end of the appointment I still have no idea what is behind my eye as I saw a "Triage" doctor who I found very unprofessional, out of his depth and basically did not have a clue what he was looking at.  I am absolutely fuming that I was referred by my opticians to see a specialist and all I saw was a doctor with no specialist knowledge on eyes.

He told me I didnt need any treatment but confirmed that my Retina is deformed due to 2 "lumps" behind my eye, I asked what they were, he didnt know, I asked how he knew I wouldnt need treatment if he didnt know what they are, he couldnt answer me, I asked if they are to do with my condition, he has no knowledge of VHL or seen this in an eye so again did not know, I asked why I was seeing a doctor who had no specialist knowledge of eye problems, he told me to ask reception!  He told me I would need to be seen by a specialist in 2 weeks, I went to reception very frustrated, the girl with a serious "I dont give a shit and hate my job" attitude told me I would have to take the 21st April, which I cannot do as I have a training session at work to carry out, she then gave some more attitude back, picked up her ringing mobile phone and walked off.  I was so disgusted that I walked out.

To me it seems fairly obvious that whatever they are seeing is linked to my condition, Von Hippel Lindau, as this is common in 60% of people to get Angiomas of the Retina.  As I have been temping for the last 2 years I have struggled financially to get to Oxford to have my eyes checked so I blame myself for what is happening now, to be honest I thought that at the age of 43 I would be one of the 40% that do not get these, besides having a tumor on my brain, kidneys and pancreas was surely enough.

Extract from the Von Hippel Lindau handbook which is available for anyone to read, so you think maybe the Doctor who is not aware of this condition might have just looked it up to have more of an idea!!!

"When capillaries form angiomas, technically called hemangioblastomas, in the retina, they start out extremely small and difficult to see. The capillaries themselves are less than the diameter of a red blood corpuscle, one of the cells that make up the blood. When angiomas begin, they often grow around the equator or periphery of the retina, far away from the area of central vision. Unlike the equator drawn around the globe of the world, the equator of the eye is vertical. As you stand, draw a circle around your eye from eyebrow to nose and around. The circle you just drew is the equator. To see this area, your ophthalmologist or optometrist must dilate your eye, use high-powered magnifying lenses, and look from side angles. It is more than the usual eye examination. If there is VHL in your family, be sure to tell your ophthalmologist or optometrist so that he or she will be sure to do this thorough examination and find any small angiomas so that they can be treated in the early stages. A referral to a retinal specialist will be required for treatment of these tumors. Generally smaller lesions can be treated more successfully and with fewer complications than larger ones. Leakage or bleeding from angiomas can lead to serious vision damage or retinal detachment, so early treatment and careful management are very important"

I have not heard anything from MK General Hospital to make an appointment and I have left a message with my genetics clinic in Oxford, so now I just need to wait and see who contacts me first.  Due to the above I thought I had better speak to my boss about my condition, not something I was looking forward to as they might see it that I had been "deceptive" at my interview but I always say that if the question never comes up, then I dont offer to give them that information, as I do believe that it has gone against me in the past.
The chat went so much better than I expected and I feel like a real weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I am hoping that my work so far has impressed them and that they can see what value I can bring to the company, especially as I have found about 5 bugs in the software in my month and half of being there.

Shellie B

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Misunderstood and confused............

Amendment: Some people seem to be upset with this blog, I am not angry at any actions last night apart from my own, I am so overwhelmed at the love out there for me and the concern, I have never seen such a community pull together for a stranger like that.  The title is about me feeling confused and misunderstanding my life and what I am doing, not about anything anyone did for me last night...........Thank you all so much.

For months now I have used my blog and Twitter to express how I am feeling and never before have got the reaction I got last night, I foolishly said things that were in my head and needed to come out without thinking of the effect it would have on people and as my blog seemed to be doing the rounds and causing more panic I thought it best to remove it, much to my own upset because as people rightly say, it is there not only to help me but to also help others who are going through the same thing and do not realise.

Yes I tweeted from Tiffany's account that I was tired, fed up and about taking tablets and drink so I could sleep, as did not think that anyone on there would really care, after all they are her anipal friends, had I done it, no, was it stupid to say, Yes, why did I do it, I have no idea, when you are upset are you logical, well I know that I am not, did I think lots of animal strangers would react like they would, no otherwise I would not have done it but I had to get those negative thoughts out of my head, again there was reason behind my blog post which could be read that I intended to harm myself, which I had no intention of doing, those that know me would see it as my way to again release those demons.

I am not a very strong person even though everyone thinks I am, I got upset on twitter last night with someone who I believed was being ungrateful even though they understand the difficulties that I face as they too suffer very similar to the way I do, I had done something very stressful to myself to help them and felt they had it thrown back in my face and it really upset me and I did lose all faith in human nature as a result, this was just one of the sparks that ignited last nights events, the main contributor was the fact that I had the worst week ever at work, on Tuesday late afternoon I made a critical error that nearly cost me my job and the company one of there biggest accounts, I worked 12 hrs a day to help rectify and repair the damage I had caused, so I was tired and very fragile, my confidence in my work is now at an all time low.

A bit about me, I lost my mum/friend/confidant/soul mate/the other half of me 13 yrs ago, I held her whilst she slipped away, I cuddled her when she got scared, I looked after her while her life fell to bits, I rang her whilst I was out walking her beloved dogs so she could imagine she was out walking with us, any spare time I had I shared with her, even before she was ill.  I will never forget her words on the 3rd May 1997 when she turned 50, she looked at me and said *thats it I am going to die now*, she was not ill then and a very fit, able bodied person.  On the 29th November, that same year, she passed away, she was the most beautiful person you could ever know, I am so lost without her as half of me died that day and I have no idea how to keep going without her but somehow I do, its not a great life that I have chosen for myself but I dont know how else to continue without her.  She died 25 days before my 30th birthday, 27 days before christmas, 3 months later I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, as I also have the same illness that ended my mothers life early.  I had that tumor removed in July 1998 but I have since been diagnosed with another one, I have numerous cysts in my kidney's and pancreas, on one of my kidney's the growth is so large that when they do decide to operate they will have to take that kidney, which then leaves me with one infected kidney and any surgery on that one could lead to dialysis.

Every Mothers day, Anniversary of her Birthday, my birthday, Anniversary of her death, Christmas is so painful that even I dont understand why it still hurts like I only lost her a few seconds ago, to know that I will never hold her again kills me, to not have her there to confide in, help me with my mistakes, teach me how to do things right, to touch her face, see her smile, hear her laugh, all these things tear me up inside and I dont know how to live without her, all I know is that everytime I think I am turning a corner, I hit reverse and end up further back from where I started.

I would like to apologise to all those that I unintenionally upset last night, I have removed myself from all public social network sites, even though I know this is really going to impact on my day to day coping with things as I have come to rely on help from my friends on twitter but I will just have to start learning how to stand on my own two feet.

Shellie B

Monday, 14 March 2011

One month on.........

Can you believe it was a month today that I started my new job????  So much has been crammed into such a small space of time and I have come such a long way, am still having really negative days but not due to doubting myself, just the mood of those around me rubbing off on me and the frustration of seeing lack of respect by my fellow work colleague.

Who would have thought a month ago I would have been to Galway all on my own, learnt a completely new online e-learning progrmame, including the setup, administration and reconfiguring of courses, taken on over nearly 30 accounts, taken in 2 different lodgers, new shower fitted, met two virtual friends in the flesh (not naked I hasten to add), got a new dressing table, won my compensation case against Milton Keynes Council, not had ONE sick day in the whole month and made 10 lovely Easter Baskets from my crochet hobby.  I think I have crammed in more in that month than I have in the last 7 months of my life!!!!

So this is the bit about the bad stuff going on, personally I dont have anything really bad happening apart from not being happy with my weight and still have quite a few outstanding bills to sort, but neither of these are critical, the only thing causing me stress and making me struggle at work is the other Account Manager, who is as much use as a fart in a colander!!!!

Mr Numpty has been there since August 2010 and still classes himself as new to the business, he has done 1 meeting on his own and that was last week, I sat in on a training session and he could not answer any of the questions, embarassing/cringeworthy are understatements, when the management are tied up or out of the office he plays computer games, when I ask for help, I have to ask on numerous occasions. I had to set up a new account today, first time, it took an hour and lots of requests from me until he sat and helped, even Kirsty said he was doing everything to avoid helping me, which was quite plain when he did come to help as he couldnt answer my questions and tbh by the time he did sit with me I had set the account up anyway using common sense.

I am really biting my tongue as I do not want to appear the shit stirrer who wants to get others in trouble to better my chances in the company, everything I do is on my own merit, I am very passionate about my work but when you have someone dissing you because you have arrived at the office early and start working, it makes me wary that I will not fit in as I like to work, when you have someone who passes work to you because they cant do it and you get no thanks, I smile and rant on twitter, when they turn round and say "the company has no structure", I just ignore the comment because I know once I start I wont stop.

We are supposed to work together but I just think the guy is taking the "piss", he has not done a full days work since I have been there, his knowledge is very lacking, he has no passion, he moans all the time that I have less accounts than him, he starts poking fun at me when I do my crochet in my lunch hour.  All these things makes me very conscious of what I do in the office, when he is playing computer games I feel I cannot pick up the phone to my new accounts and introduce myself.

It is not as though he does not have anything to do, he is supposed to be writing a manual for the user and admin side of the system, I have seen the draft and am too embarrassed to tell everything how unprofessional and amatuer it looks as I worry what will be thought of me.  Today the director left the office just after 12 as they have a show the next two days and he is setting up the stand, as soon as he left the office, Mr Numpty pipes up "thats 2.5 days of doing nothing, bliss!", I did say "havent you got anything to do, dont you get bored not doing anything?", he just laughed and said no. 

This company that he moans about all the time have paid for 2 driving tests which he has now passed and now he has his driving license he keeps on saying that he can find another job now, also he did a training session in Fareham 2 weeks ago, as he didnt drive then he got a train at 12pm the day before and stayed overnight in a hotel, the training started at 10am the next day, when he got back to the office he boasted how he had spend £160 for those 2 days, they really have got to see what he is like, I dont know how he has got away with it for so long.

I hope this does not make me sound like I am winging or trying to pick fault but the guy is just so lazy and it makes me so frustrated that I get really demoralised and struggle to do my own work.  Tomorrow is going to be a nightmare as it will only be me, Kirsty and him, I am not sure how much longer I can hold my tongue............

Shellie B

Monday, 7 March 2011

March Showers, Visitors and Treats

Well I can actually say that I had the most wonderful weekend in the bestest company ever, even though I was so nervous that I was shaking!!!  I am not very good at meeting new people, even though I have known them for months, I have never met them face to face.

Not only did they travel to come and visit me but they also put in my new shower, well my nearly new shower, and they bought along Tiffany's best friend.  I have been without a shower for about 2 yrs and was quoted £300 to fit a new one, well after the very kind Mr & Mrs Lawrence offered there services to fit it for me I bought one for £82 from Ebay, the same model as my old one as I thought that would make the fitting easier:

So the first picture show my old yellowing shower, then we have team DIY SOS busy fitting new shower and then final picture is the new sparkly shower, which I tested this morning and it was bliss, so much less hassle than having to get up and have a bath in the mornings, what a clever hubby and wifey they are!!!

After the exhaustion of taking pictures of them working, I was then treated to a pub lunch, to a place I had never heard of before, Chapel Brampton, which was only about 5 mins from my house!  It is set right out in the country and next to a little old Railway station, so Mr & Mrs Lawrence were very happy indeed.  Apart from the little power cut inside the pub, which we did have to check if Mr Lawrence was trying his DIY skills again, we shared a starter, which I cant remember the name but it had selection of cold meats, olives, bread, fishes with heads on and lots of other lovely bits, then I was very naughty and had a Steak with Diane Sauce, I also had a little cheeky glass of Rose.  The puddings looked so scrummy but I was too full to even try one. 
Somehow I did leave with some of those horrible fishy things, bit of a sausage and some steak in my handbag, as you do!!!!!  We then all waddled down to the Steam and Diesel Tourist Railway next to the pub, which was unfortunately closed but we still had a nosey around and we had to hold Mrs Lawrence back as she was keen to investigate further.  This is the link to the railway, it would make such a lovely day out and over Easter all kids get a free cream egg on the train!!!!

I was not the only one who got to meet very special friends but my lovely cat, Tiffany, also got to meet her best friend on Twitter, Brian the Llama.  They seemed to be quite well behaved when we were about but I did notice that Brian had a little adventure round the house to see where Tiffany lives and what she gets up to, here is a lovely picture of them together:
I spent most of Sunday still not being able to move as I had eaten so well the day before, even Tiffany was tired out and slept on me most of the day, what an absolutely lovely weekend we had and how lucky we are to know such wonderful people!!!

Shellie B

Friday, 4 March 2011

Week 3 and Exhaustion

So I am now on week 3 of my new job but week 1 of being on my own doing my job as Barry, the Account Manager I have taken over from has now left the business and my boss is on holiday until next Wednesday.

Its been stressful, interesting, frustrating, annoying but absolutely wonderful.  I cant express how great it feels to be part of the world again, after 7 months of being confined to my house, I now have some importance and structure back to my life.

Don't get me wrong, I am far from cured, this week has proved that to me as I have been on bit of a rollercoaster, emotionally and physically.  I am not sleeping, cried at work as I feel they do not realise how bright I actually am and felt they were patronising me a bit but then on the flip side they were putting too much on me.  I have not been eating, I cry when I look at myself but I have no energy to exercise, I just know what I hate how I look and I got straight to bed when I get in and eat junk food.  My back is so painful as I am not used to sitting all day and I can hardly put weight on my feet as again they are not used to carry all this extra weight about all day.

On the plus side though I won my court case Monday, little old me vs Milton Keynes Council, not record breaking compensation but it will mean I can pay nearly half of my Mortgage arrears from not working last year.  Also my car seems to be running ok even though replacing the EGR valve has not fixed the problem and I received my nearly new shower, which is going to make life so much easier once that is fitted.

Oh I nearly forgot, my special mug that I ordered as a treat to myself arrived and it is so lovely, see for yourself.
The picture on the mug is all thanks to @supernatural808 who did this for my cats on twitter, I love the picture so much I wanted to have it on something I use all the time, check out where I designed and bought it from.

Well I still have an hour left at work so I had better get back to it, have a great weekend,

Shellie B

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Week 2 and Treats

I have now done two weeks at my new job, is it all making sense, um no!!!!  Barry left on Friday, that is whose accounts I am taking over and my boss is away all next week, so I feel its going to be a real challenge and stressful week.  Everyone is saying that I am doing really well and that I have picked up on things very quickly, it sure doesnt feel like it though.

I am hoping the weather is better next week as I would like to have a wander around Bletchley Park in my lunch hour, there is so much to see there, various museums, harrier jet, wartime huts, lake and lots more.

I had bit of a shopping spree on Ebay, things that I needed and things that were not necessarily needed but made me feel better.  As my new job involved meeting clients, holding training sessions I thought it best to get an organiser, found a nice one on Ebay but was a bit disappointed when it arrived as it is supposed to be "personal" size but its actually "pocket", I also got a new phone case as mine is broken:

I also bought a small dressing table, its just the right size for my room and apart from a couple of scratches it is in great condition and a real bargain at £12.50, I also got a new shower, same model as what is in there at the moment, to try and make fitting it easier and I also loved my old shower, cant wait for that to come and be put in,

Today I spent half the day down the garage as the EGR valve was not working which meant I could not always accelerate, unfortunately it still has a fault but as it is wiring it will need an electrical mechanic type person to look at it, I will ring round MK garages on Monday to see if I can get it booked in somewhere, fingers crossed it accelerates ok and doesnt chuck out too much smoke until I can sort out getting it done.

I am not looking forward to Monday, I have court at 10.30am, hopefully the conclusion to my compensate case for an injury I incurred 3.5 yrs ago, it certainly has dragged on and I am not hopeful we will be successful as my key witness is refusing to attend court, she was the only reason they continued with the case, so I am not very happy.  Why do people come forward to help but then when they are called upon they let you down???  Answers on a postcard please to"I am such a mug!"

My back is not coping very well with sitting down at a desk all day but I am hoping with time it will ease.  I have a new lodger moving in tomorrow as my last one left when I was at work, no warning, nothing, just a note and the key through the door *sighs*

Shellie B

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Highs & Lows of Week 1

Well I survived week 1 at work, only just, it was a very hectic first week which included a trip to the Ireland office, see my blog about it with photos. I thought my head was going to explode as so much information was fired at me and its not used to being so active, am hoping this week is easier but I have invested in some Red Bull just in case.

The excitement of surviving my first week was soon dampened when I got home as my lodger had moved out whilst I was at work, was absolutely fuming as he had promised he would give me a months notice etc after the way Laura left and I had also told him about the other bloke who left when I was at work, anyway I contacted one of the other guys who was interested in the room before and they were still looking and will be moving in next week, disaster averted as I need the rent money to finance my first month at work.

Was going to make some Easter baskets this weekend as I cant seem to sit still when watching TV as I feel I should be doing something, but as I did not make a note of the measurements I used I need to wait to get a photo from Sophie before I cant start any of them, which is very frustrating as i could have got quite a few done.

I also emailed my Cruse lady last week but as usual she has not contacted me, I am really fed up with that too as this is the time that I need to have a session with her to talk about work etc and how I am feeling, she is such a lovely lady but I just feel so let down by her all the time.

Have done my ironing ready for my next week at work and now I am going to do my nails, went to the chippy but it was closed so nipped to the garage instead and have a tuna sarnie, monster munchies and a double decker, not a healthy sunday dinner but better than nothing.

Am so tired but going to try and stay up until 9pm, I have been a bit naughty and been using my co-codomal as a sleeping aid, this is probably also why I was not feeling very with it last week but I was worried I would not sleep and probably took more than I should each night, anyway this week I am not going to take any, have hidden them away in the cupboard, I have also made a pact with Tarquaydrawers that we will go to work every day, we still have the forefeights to decide upon but hopefully we can help each other go to work and be positive.

Shellie B

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Head in the clouds

Well as the title says I really have had my head in the clouds this week:

I have been to the lovely Emerald Isle with work, its been a hectic week but WOW what an amazing time I have had and Galway is lovely and so is everyone who lives there.  I must admit I was a bit scared with I saw the plane that I was going in and a wave of claustrophobia set in but was ok once I was safely in my seat and never took my seat belt off for the whole flight, we took off from Luton airport around 8.30pm on Monday..

Galway at Night

The flight stopped off at Waterford, we picked up a couple of people and then headed to Galway, we landed 30 mins early but nice man on the desk called the pre-booked taxi for me and they came straight away to get me, checked in to the hotel only to find the card used to book the room had been declined but they were very understanding and said it could be sorted the next day.  Hotel was sooooooooooo posh, my room was like a little apartment, I felt like a celebrity being away on a work trip and surrounding by luxury.

I unpacked, which was handy as I found the kettle and tea/coffee in one of them, made a decaf coffee and had a shower, I finally fell into bed around 12am.

Had a few hours sleep and then went and had my full irish brekkie before being picked up at 10am, that night I went to the Bistro and had a dinner instead of sitting in the room on my own.

It was soon time to pack and leave for the airport again, got a better view this time of the aircraft and as we left about 5.45pm yesterday I actually got to see more out of the window:


Arrived back into Luton around 8pm, SlinkyLynne picked me up and treated me to chippies, then after driving home I got back around 11pm, I think I am going to have a good rest this weekend after a very hectic first week but I am in my element and loving it!!!!

Shellie B

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