Friday, 29 October 2010

Crochet - my first stitches

As my cross stitch is coming to end, well it would have been if I hadn't lost my needle!!!, I thought I should take up another hobby and maybe one that could earn me some money, so I decided on Crochet, I think I used to do it when I was a very young girl, so hey it cant be that hard can yes it can.
My "Tutorial how to Crochet DVD" arrived so I was all set, just one problem, all the instructions were for right handed people, I am left handed.  Oh well minor detail I thought and maybe I can learn right handed as I am ambidextrous, so below is a picture of my first nights attempt.
1st Attempt right handed at Single Crochet Ridges
I was getting in such a muddle that I thought I would try left handed, took a while for the old brain to mirror the DVD but I think I might have cracked it!!!!!
1st attempt left handed at Single Crochet Ridges
Long Single Crochet Bricks

Alterning Mesh (or mess as mine appears to be)

Well all there is left for me now is to try and actually make something, that will be the challenge as its very easy watching step by step on a DVD but to actually read a pattern and then do the stitches is going to be very difficult.  I have a couple of books from the library and I can always refer back to the stitches on the DVD if I get stuck or should I say when I get stuck. 
Finishing off my blog with the lovely Abigail modelling the Lacy swatch I made.

Shellie B

Coming off my meds for Depression

If anyone has ever experienced this it is the worst thing ever to go through and such an emotional roller coaster but alas I find myself going through it again, this all started back in June when I went to see the doc as I was having problems with my bladder, after urine and blood tests came back ok she decided that the medication I had been on for a while was causing this problem and so it began.  After becoming the bitch from hell and not being able to cope with day to day work I was signed off to allow the tablets to work, well all they did was balloon my feet and knees so much that I could not walk, eventually after shouting down the telephone at the doctor (sometimes thats the only way they will listen) she agreed to change them, well these are not working either so I find myself back to square one.

I hate feeling like this, so out of control, any little thing will set me off and then I have to fight really hard to stifle the temper rising in me, poor Angel got most of it last night as she was attacking the wool when I was trying to Crochet, normally this would make me laugh but instead I screamed like a banchee.  I also cannot remember doing things or where I have put stuff, I am very clumsy, drop and break things, which makes me even more frustrated and angry, I am not a nice person to be around at the moment.  I have put sorting through my mums things on hold as I really dont feel I can cope with this emotionally right now and it wont take much to tip me back over the edge.

On a positive note it has been exactly 3 months since I last took an overdose and drank but I am going to have to be really careful for the next few weeks as I am so emotionally charged and I feel any little thing could make me slip back down that road.  I stop taking my meds completely tomorrow so that by monday I can start on the new ones, I have asked to go back on Prozac as they worked for me before along time ago, odd how I have to tell my doctor which medication to put me on, this also means no return to work in the immediate future.

I have lost all interest in looking after myself, only eating once a day, going from my bed to my sofa, not washing/brushing my hair etc, I am just too exhausted to try and keep myself going when I feel this low, at least the doctor will see me at my lowest and give me the help I have needed for years.  For any of you that might be concerned about my cats, please dont be, as I always make sure they are ok, I just cant be bothered with myself.

Shellie B

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Getting the hang of it now!

I had quite a lazy day yesterday, my Cruse lady cancelled so I decided I did not need to do things with urgency and spent most of the day sitting at my PC, I completely redesigned my blog, I hope you all like it, as I learn I am sure I will be able to add more to it but I am very proud of how it looks and cant stop looking at it, yes I am a saddo hehehehe.  The only reason I stopped sitting at my PC was because Angel ran over and started biting my feet, it was her cheeky way of telling me it was feeding time as it was nearly 6pm, I couldn't stop laughing at how cheeky and clever she was.  Tiffany my eldest cat has regressed to a kitten or has senile dementure as she seems to like to play hide and seek with me, jumps out at me with no warning and then zooms off for me to find her, completely bonkers household!!!!

Well I did not attempt any crochet yesterday as I ran out of time but I did go and change the wool, was more expensive but hopefully it will be easier to use, on my journey out yesterday I also discovered that a quite run down looking garden/fish/pet shop thingy is actually a haven of cheap bits and bobs, balls of wool for only £1.19 and incense sticks, packs of 20 for only 49p, they are like a very cheap Homebase and have practically everything in there, they will now be on my list of places to visit regularly, especially as I am on a budget.  They had some cute bunnies for only £5, if I still had my rabbit hutch I may have been tempted to buy one, I did then ponder about cleaning the fish tank out that is in the shed and maybe get some fish, but I have no where to put it as a set of sockets where it was before have decided to not work anymore, I might still decide to do this and maybe get the cats a fish each for xmas!

Apart from doing a load of washing and hoovering that was the extent of my day which was finished off by doing some more cross stitch whilst watching TV, picture above of what it now looks like, I still have the sky, butterflies, wording and outlining to do.

Not sure what my plans are today but I do need to start up my daily walks again, I have uploaded the first Sookie Stackhouse book to my MP3 player all ready and I then I think I will have a Crochet lesson.  The house is very quite, Tiffany is curled up in a ball on the sofa and I think Abigail and Angel are out causing havoc in the neighbourhood.

I will leave you all with this cute picture of Tiffany all snuggly on the fleece blankets,
Shellie B xxx

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Broken Brollies and Steamed up Glasses

I certainly picked the worse day to go out yesterday but my trusty bargain waterproof jacket from Ebay was lifesaver and stood up to the wind and rain but unfortunately my poor brollie didnt and could someone please please invent windscreen wipers for glasses or demisters as everytime I got in the car they would steam up and I could not see where I was going!!!!  Apart from all that I had a very eventful day starting off by dropping some books into a charity shop, they were very pleased with my offerings and I must admit I have not heard of them before,, then I headed to the Central Library which to be honest is a waste of time as they never have what I am looking for in there.  As I was in the town centre I headed to my bank and to my JOY they reimbursed the £15 charges I had incurred for being 1p overdrawn for 3 days, and so they should have.

I then headed to St James library which is a lot smaller but had lots more in there and I found some books on Crochet, they also said they would take in some of my old books, Central Library would not, so they are now my favourite and I will not be using the main one again!!!!  As I was in St James I popped into the new Tattoo parlour to get a quote on having 4 little paw prints on my wrist, was quite shocked when they said £40, does that sound right????  That will have to wait until I am working again, maybe I should just have 3 little paw prints as I have 3 cats?????

Finally I headed very wearily to Hobbycraft to get a crochet hook and some wool, then I staggered around Sainsburys, by this time my poor feet were so in so much pain that I could have quite easily sat in the trolly and asked someone to push me round the store.  Feeling very sorry for myself I thought some treats were in order so I got some crisps and a bag of lollies, oh and some Ovaltine, was very good and stuck to not allowing myself any cakes or chocolate as I have about 5 stone to lose.

By the time I got home it was nearly 5pm, I had been out all afternoon so no wonder my poor feet were so painful, I threw a pasta bake in the oven and hobbled to the bath, I was now walking around the house like I had pooped myself, not an attractive look, anyway I tried a bit of crochet but have decided the wool I have is more like elastic so will go and change that today, also I am left handed and my instructional DVD I got from Ebay is showing how to crochet with your right hand, so I am now trying to learn to do this right handed and you can imagine what a pickle I am getting into so I gave up and did some cross stitch for a while whilst watching a bit of TV, added a piccie below of my handy work so far.

Well I am pleased to say that after my eventful day yesterday I got a full 8hrs undisturbed sleep, I cant remember when I have last been able to do that, my good mood did not last too long once the post arrived as DWP are still looking at my appeal for Employment and Support Allowance even though I am signed off medically unfit for work by my docs, anyway I got my benefits yesterday so I am not going to let this worry me.

As the washing is finished I had better go and decide where to put that and then I have my lovely Cruse lady coming round, wonder if we will get round to coping with Bereavement today????

Have a safe day everyone,
Shellie B

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Wind, Rain and very cold

The day I decide to head into town and its really windy and rainy out there, oh well my new £4 waterproof windbreaker from Ebay will be put to the test today!!!!  Had a good sleep until 4am, went back to sleep at 7am and woke at 10am, also have very bizarre dream about being bridesmaid to my sister who was having a very ott wedding, somehow I found Katie Price in a changing room/toilet so she came along for a picture with my sister who was having a hissy fit as I had not had my hair and make up done, after I got that done I then when into one as they would not trim my fluffy white beard, weird!!!!!  Do not eat peanut butter on toast before bed!!!

Well have started to reduce meds so that by Monday I can start new ones, fingers crossed these work so I can look at going back to work.  My plans today consist of returning books to the library and maybe finding anything about crochet and a good thriller to read, then will go to the pound shop, take books to the charity shop, go food shopping and get some wool and a crochet hook as I am going to learn how to crochet today, will post pictures when I work out how to do that on here.

Yesterday I scanned in pictures of Tiffany as a cute kitten, pictures of my mums doggies and our family home which I found in the loft, as I decided I should really start to go through things now, its has been 13 yrs since she passed away and everything just got packed away and put up in the loft out of out sight and mind but they cant stay up there forever.  I loved looking at the pictures and posted them on facebook but they also made me sad as I miss her so very much and our home, which was always my safe haven.

Right coffee is now drunk so I need to brave the elements and head into town, I wonder if I an get away with wearing my ear muffs whilst walking around town??

Happy TunaTuesday to you all as my cats would say,
Shellie B x

Monday, 25 October 2010

My first blog

As the title states this is my first ever blog, I have some friends on twitter who "blog" so I thought this might be a good idea as I do not seem to be able to write up my journal everyday, so just a bit of background as to what has been happening the last few months.  At the end of June my doctor decided my meds were not working properly so decided to change them, I have been on a roller coaster ride ever since and not been able to work as medically signed off by my doctor.  After weeks of telling my doc the meds I am on now are still not working she has agreed we need to change them, hoorah!!!!  I am each day trying to get some kind of structure back into my life as not working and being on benefits kind of restricts what you can do without costing anything, so each day I am going for a walk whilst listening to an audio book so I do not get too bored and I am also doing a lovely cat cross stitch, my first ever one.

The DWP have decided I am no longer entitled to my benefits even though I am signed off by my doctor so that is going to appeal and then I found out today my bank is charging me £15 for being 1p overdrawn for 3 days, I spent well over an hour crying my eyes out this morning and now I am just too exhausted to do anything, everytime I try to call out on my cordless phone it cuts out, the urge to launch this out the window at the moment is HUGE.  After 2 cups of coffee and wittering to poor KitschyDuck on Twitter I have now calmed down and for some bizarre reason got 3 boxes out of the loft to sort out, my loft is full of all my mums belonging from when we cleared our family home, 12 years I really want to be doing this..........NO but it needs to be done.

My 3 cats have vacated the house as they cant cope with their mum making an awful howling noise but they did leave me a lovely huge blackbird on the back doorstep!!!!  Well this is my first blog, am kind of excited but also apprehensive as not sure if I have blogged correctly???

Bye for now,
Shellie B xxx

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