Friday, 29 October 2010

Coming off my meds for Depression

If anyone has ever experienced this it is the worst thing ever to go through and such an emotional roller coaster but alas I find myself going through it again, this all started back in June when I went to see the doc as I was having problems with my bladder, after urine and blood tests came back ok she decided that the medication I had been on for a while was causing this problem and so it began.  After becoming the bitch from hell and not being able to cope with day to day work I was signed off to allow the tablets to work, well all they did was balloon my feet and knees so much that I could not walk, eventually after shouting down the telephone at the doctor (sometimes thats the only way they will listen) she agreed to change them, well these are not working either so I find myself back to square one.

I hate feeling like this, so out of control, any little thing will set me off and then I have to fight really hard to stifle the temper rising in me, poor Angel got most of it last night as she was attacking the wool when I was trying to Crochet, normally this would make me laugh but instead I screamed like a banchee.  I also cannot remember doing things or where I have put stuff, I am very clumsy, drop and break things, which makes me even more frustrated and angry, I am not a nice person to be around at the moment.  I have put sorting through my mums things on hold as I really dont feel I can cope with this emotionally right now and it wont take much to tip me back over the edge.

On a positive note it has been exactly 3 months since I last took an overdose and drank but I am going to have to be really careful for the next few weeks as I am so emotionally charged and I feel any little thing could make me slip back down that road.  I stop taking my meds completely tomorrow so that by monday I can start on the new ones, I have asked to go back on Prozac as they worked for me before along time ago, odd how I have to tell my doctor which medication to put me on, this also means no return to work in the immediate future.

I have lost all interest in looking after myself, only eating once a day, going from my bed to my sofa, not washing/brushing my hair etc, I am just too exhausted to try and keep myself going when I feel this low, at least the doctor will see me at my lowest and give me the help I have needed for years.  For any of you that might be concerned about my cats, please dont be, as I always make sure they are ok, I just cant be bothered with myself.

Shellie B


  1. Oh hun I feel for you. I know exactly what it is like coming off anti depressants. I remember trying to ween myself off a few years ago and it was just...terrible. The withdrawals made me feel physically ill and my mental state was horrendous. After a few weeks I decided it's best I just stay on the meds and remain reasonably sane rather than punish myself by taking myself off them.
    If I run out of my anti depressants and don't get a new prescription in time, I am AWFUL. I get so angry, SO so angry, like sheer RAGE inside. Every little thing will piss me off and I just want to swear so badly and punch something. I cannot bare it. So I know how bad you must be feeling. Hopefully the new meds will suit you better and your mood will pick up. I have been having days recently where I don't shower, or wash my hair or get changed out of my pjs. If I'm not going to see anyone I'm like "what's the point in taking pride in my appearance?" I look vile I tell you. Sometimes making myself put make up on just for the sake of it makes me feel a bit better, have you ever done that?

    My Mum, and Nannie have both taken citalopram for different reasons and when they've tried to come off their bladder plays up badly too!! I thought it was just them two who had those side effects!

    Take Care my sweet, don't worry about forcing yourself back into work any time soon. Just think about the here and now and helping yourself feel a little more "sane" xxxxxx

  2. Awww thank you lovely, its so nice to be able to share this with people who understand, I have been accused of being a drama queen before when I have not been able to cope. I have not washed my hair for a week, it is so minging but you hit the nail on the head, if I am not seeing anyone what is the point xxx


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