Post is here and being a grumpy bum

Woke at 6am this morning, peaked outside but no snow so fell back to sleep, I was then woken by the posty knocking at my door at 9am, so raced downstairs as I knew it would be my package from Sophiessoap and I didnt want to miss the delivery, I did remember to grab my dressing gown before opening the door!!!

Even though I really really want to open the package I am going to wait until Christmas day, "why?" you all shout, well as I do not have any family and only a couple of close friends I do not get many presents so this is going to go under my christmas tree until xmas day as a surprise.  Yes I know I ordered them so I know what is inside but I asked Sophie to choose what colours and fragrances to do so it will be a surprise, also Sophie has put some samples inside as she sent me a lovely card with my order and mentioned what she has done..............she is so sweet and I met her all through Twitter, my online friends are such an inspiration to me and Sophie, especially, is great as she reads all my blogs, watches all my videos and was my first customer in my new Folksy shop.

As you probably all dont want to wait until Xmas day for me to open it and should really buy some of these lovely soaps for yourself or as gifts for Christmas you can find Sophies shop HERE and below are some of the xmas soaps available, I ordered the cute little Cake Slices, a bargain at £3.00 for 2.

Even though I had the excitement of receiving my lovely soaps today I am on second day of feeling a complete grumpy bum, struggled to do Crochet yesterday but I did manage to go out but then wish I had stayed at home especially when a nasty lady in Tesco caused a huge commotion just because she jumped the queue and I pointed it out to her, everyone stared at me and she made me out to be a complete nutter, I felt like leaving my shopping and just driving back home but I wanted to get something nice for Monday, what is happening Monday you all ask, well I will blog about that on Monday and just hope I manage to change the pattern of what normally happens.

I think my new meds need increasing as everything is grinding on me, I am so snappy, really impatient and feel like I want to scream and pull my hair out, must contact surgery next week and am cross that I did not do it last week but as usual I leave everything until its all critical.  I am really going to try and do some Crochet today as I have 3 Snowmen and 3 Penguin to send out and I dont want to let my customers down.

Shellie B

Cat Shooting, Criminal Damage and Hating Where I Live

For years I have hated where I live, mainly because I feel so isolated as I do not know anyone in Northampton and my sister never bothered to come and visit me, so I turned to drink to block out the loneliness which just escallated things, after hitting rock bottom this year I decided a couple of months ago to make it work where I live and be happy.....................well I think someone else has different plans.

Firstly let me outline the history of my time in Northampton, the first traumatic thing to happen was in October 2008 when my precious Abigail was shot with an air gun, she was lucky as it missed her eye and ear but lodged in her head, we apparently have a well known cat hater living in this street, around the time this happened my beautiful Mystique went missing 4 weeks after having kittens, only 1 kitten survived.

Then various things happened with the house, shower broke, heating broke, police broke down front door, long story but they paid for damage in the end as they admitted fault was theirs, i.e. they should not have broken into my property, but I had a very cold winter as I could not afford to replace it whilst I waiting for it all to get approved, then my beloved Bobby dog died, Angel was badly attacked, Abigail survived a fox attack, back fence fell down and the list goes on and on and on................

So I thought, hey lets sell up, this place is jinxed, lets start again, in April of this year, then in June I am not sure what happened but I became very ill, physically and mentally, could not cope with anything, maybe I had a break down, I am not sure, but those that have read my blogs know that I have not been able to work since then, I did take advantage of not working and completely redecorated the house, inside and out.

Then things started to go my way, sort of, so I took this as a sign that I should stay put, also if I did sell I would not be able to buy so would never get back on the property ladder and I have no idea where I would move to as I have no family etc, then a couple of  things happened this week, damage to my property that I have worked so hard to get, my car has been keyed

and then this morning I looked out to see if there was any snow to see that my gate has somehow flown upside down with the post still intact!, maybe the post was rotten, I dont know but it seemed very sturdy when I used it on Monday!!!!!!

 I am not sure a drill is going to fix that so I have no idea what to do, maybe I will bind it all back together with some sturdy garden string, will go out later and have a look when I can face it.  After a few tears and a coffee, I have shrugged these things off as just he perils of life, nothing I can do about it so no point beating myself up over it.

On a more happy note I have a new additions to my Folksy Shop, Sphen the Happy Penguin, so fingers crossed he will sell well and help me repair my gate lol

 Shellie B

Opening of my Folksy Store

Well its been a very very busy week for me, I decided to open my very own Folksy store after lots of encouragement from my friends, I could  not think what on earth to call it, I wanted something with "cat" in the title but could not think of anything and because I might not just do Crochet I did not want that in the title, so I came up with "Shellie's Crafty Corner".

I listed the hat and scarf I made and also a cute little reindeer, who has gone down very well and I have so far sold 9 of them, hence why I have been so busy.

I finally finished them all at the weekend but have been waiting since Wednesday for the packaging to arrive so I can send the little chaps out, well it finally arrived today so I have been busy packing them away, my table now feels very bare!!!

Just need to print the postage online to save time down the post office and then they will be on there way to their new homes.  I now have to think what else I can sell that will be as popular as they are, I have created this Snowman, he is quite big and not as cute but I will list him today and see how he does.

I cant explain the excitement I feel when I see that I have made a sale, I am like a little girl, all giggly and clapping, I just hope people are as excited when they recieve my creations.

Right I am off now to create more to go into my shop as it would be nice to have a variety, here is Angel modelling a hat that will go on the winter penguin I am going to do, bless her!!!!

Shellie B

The story of claiming Benefits

I am so busy but just have to do this blog to get things off my chest and to hopefully stop me from crying, I have never had so much trouble from getting Benefits, oh hold on, I have always worked since I was 16, apart from Jan 2009 when I claimed benefits for just over 1 month due to being made redundant at christmas time and not being able to get a job.

This is all started back in June when the doc decided to change my anti depressants, we are STILL trying to find the right one, its been one hell of a ride and I have had nothing but grief from DWP, late payments, interviews, medicals and now its all going through appeal as they say I am fit to work, well sorry the doctor says I am not so what can I do about that!!!

From 13 weeks they will pay the interest on my mortgage, well I filled out the relevant essay form and personally took it down the building society but guess what.............................yes thats right they have not made one single payment and now my mortgage company are threatening litegation.  I called DWP and surprise surprise nothing on there system, so I now have to wait 3 hrs for a phone call back to find out what is going on, then I have to call my mortgage company to try and see where I go from here.

It really makes me so sick, you read all the stories in the paper about how people are conning thousands out of the system, god knows how they do that.  My neighbour for example lives in a council house, has a million kids and just had another one so she doesnt have to work, her boyfriend does not work either, how do they get away with it, when I am legitimately claiming as I really do need to help, she is getting quite a bit of money too as one of her daughters has learning difficulties (she seems fine to me), the daughter does not even live at that house anymore but with an auntie as they dont have enough room.

This is really knocking all my confidence and I dont even think I will have the courage to go back to work, people who know me, know this is very unlike how I am, as I am a strong little thing (well ok then big) and have always been very confident in my work but I just feel like scum, lowest of the low, who will want to employ a complete loser like me who is signed off for depression all because I rely on tablets.

I dont have any family to turn to or any savings, there is just me and my 3 lovely cats to plow through all this red tape, it really grinds you down, how can they expect you to get better when they add to your stress, please do not get me wrong, I am not a scrounger, I hate being on benefits and being this pathetic but for once in my 42 yrs of life I am just asking for a bit of help so I can have some me time to get better............

Shellie B

Just had a telephone call back from DWP, they received my completed form at the beginning of October and are still making a decision on paying the interest on my mortgage, is this just all a joke or what................I have insisted on yet another telepohne call back today as I need to speak to my mortgage company.

Walking and Flowers

I am still stuck in my rut of not wanting or be bothered to do anything but have noticed how bad my feet and legs are becoming again, so I dragged my sorry butt out for a walk this morning, was a bit misty and I was very spooked but then that could be because I was listening to a Sookie Stackhouse audio book.

I took some pictures along my walk, I am very lucky and live next door to open fields, who would think you would get that view in Northampton, a bit further along the walk there is a lovely little stream.

I managed to take pictures excluding all the rubbish that has been thrown into it from the bridge.

The rest of my walk after crossing the bridge is then on the road, did not take pictures of that, as when you have seen one road you have seen them all.  I use an app on my Iphone which cost 59p and is called Footsteps, it measures my steps, time, distance, calories burned and average speed, this just makes it a bit more interesting after every walk to see what I have done, I also listen to various audio books on my walk as I do find it very boring walking on my own.

I am still desparately racking my brains on what I can Crochet and sell to make money as I am really struggling being on benefits, I designed this flower on Friday night

I am going to use these to go onto the hat I am going to make.

I have not quite got the blending of colours correct so will need a bit more practise at that.

But they do look very nice in single colour.  My new 6mm crochet hook arrived yesterday so I can get on and make the hat today, its funny how different it feels using a hook that is only 2mm bigger, I may even redo my crochet videos as I think it will be easier to see what I am doing with the bigger hook.

Pot of tea is brewed and need to have some breakfast after my walk this morning

click on me

Shellie B

Backward steps

After having quite a few really good days, I am now in some really bad days, all thoughts are negative, no motivation, not looking after myself or eating, each day the post comes I just wonder "why am I struggling to keep above all this?"  My legs and feet are starting to be bad again, I know this is because I am not doing anything again but I just cannot be bothered.

I cant remember the last time I washed my hair or had a bath, dont worry have a wash every day and brush teeth, not that minging, well sort of not.  Not done any washing up all week, did hoover yesterday only because there was more fur on the carpet than on the cats and they were looking a bit jealous.

Benefits are now going to a Tribunal which wont be heard until April next year but thankfully they will keep on paying me until then, I just dont understand the point of it all, surely if my doctor says I am not fit for work then they are the experts, not the JobCentre????

I actually sobbed my heart out about my mum yesterday, I have never let myself lose that much control sober about her before.  My step sister got in contact as my step dad died earlier this year and she found some pictures of mum she thought I might like, they are so beautiful and just makes me miss her so much, always felt so safe around her, posted one below so you can share her beauty with me, its not a very clear copy as this was sent to me via a mobile phone, am waiting to get originals in the post.

Well my benefits finally arrived yesterday so bills are paid for another couple of weeks and then I went and did a bit of shopping, got some more wool as I have decided to make some pretty crochet hats with a flower emblished on them to try and make some money, had a practise go at making one last night, looked lovely if your head was the size of a dogs!!!!!!  So have now ordered a bigger crochet hook, I plan to make a video today showing how to make Mr Blue Bear, I am going to do this one in lavender and put some lavender essential oil drops in the stuffing, bit of an experiement but if it works then I will try to sell them too.

So leaving you all on the only positive note I can think of today, YAY ITS FRIDAY!!!!!

Click on us to see us dance

Shellie B

Help I cant stop making videos...............

Now I am feeling a bit more confident with my Crochet and Sophie encouraged me, I decided to make some videos, my series is called "An Idiot Learning Crochet", which describes me to a tee!!!  I was only brave enough to show my face once, omg my teeth look awful and crooked, but hopefully as I get more confident my head might make some guest appearances, just hope I dont get an influx of requests to crochet a full face balaclava for my next project.

I put a lovely little video together today of my cat Tiggy who, unfortunately, I had to get rehomed, all the files were in MOV format and would not import into Windows Movie Maker so I had to find a programme to do that first, I am loving editing videos but the time flys by, anyway you can see the new video HERE and I have put music to it, tried to make the clips short but long enough to give it the awww, aaaah, hehehehe factor so hopefully it will get lots of viewings.

What else have I been upto, oh yeah, told estate agent I wanted to take the house of the market on Monday, so I have now had two viewings, I didn't hoover or anything as I dont want to sell it, is that bad??????????  Mood seems to be ok now I am back on the old prozac, benefits are still going through appeal, should hopefully receive a payment tomorrow, should have been Monday but they are saying I never sent my doctors note in in time, blah blah blah delay tactics blah blah blah.

Operation Fish Tank Occupy is not going to happen, the power cable got wet in the shed and has now stopped working, not sure if I can just get that part and how much it will cost, so I have a full tank with no fish in, I might just go and buy some carrots, make fish shapes out of them and dangle them in the water.

No plans for the rest of the day, counselling is postponed again until next week as she is on a course, I only have £2.14 in the bank so cant go shopping so I think I am just going to veg infront of the tv and do a bit more crochet or maybe cross stitch.

Shellie B

Saw 3D and Andy Pandy

Well I had such a lovely day yesterday, got all my chores done nice and early, taught myself how to "tie off" properly for Crochet and then Andy Pandy arrived, armed with a Happy Meal, I think he was just after the toys really!!!!  Bounced lots of ideas off him as I had not seen anyone for 2 weeks so had a few things buzzing around my head, have decided to get some fish, if they die then I will sell the fish tank!!!!  We watched "The American" with a very scrawny George Clooney in it, what a load of poop, if you like watching trees, looking out of coffee shops, emotionless faces then this is a must for you!!!!.  Had fish and chips for dinner followed by jelly and ice cream, felt like I was at a party, then we headed out for the highlight of the night!!!!!

We went and watched Saw 3D, if you are brave enough watch the trailer HERE, dont worry you dont see any of the gory bits. All I can say is "what an excellent horror film", started off straight away with action and just kept on going.  Now, I am a hardended horror movie fan but this one had me cringing and turning away on quite a few occasions, it was great in 3D as body bits/slivers kept flying out of the screen at us and the ending, well what a great twist.  They say this is the last one but it has been left that maybe there could be another one????

On the way home I saw a woman being dragged across the road by her head so asked Andy Pandy to go round so we could check she was ok, by the time we got there she was sparko on the floor, the guy "Polish" said she was "pissed" and they needed to get to Daventry, she then started crying and rolling around the floor and as someone else turned up we drove off, felt a bit bad but they were drunk at the end of the day and she was breathing so we guessed it would be ok, checked the news this morning and all ok in Northampton.

Andy Pandy dropped me off home around 11pm and I was pooping myself walking down to my house, I held the front door key so tightly that if anyone had jumped out at me I would have stabbed them in the the eye with it, got in the house ok and all seemed ok, no funny little man peddling around on a tricycle so headed to bed armed with 3 cats.

Seems another lovely sunny day out there and I am looking forward to watching the Grand Prix this afternoon, still in shock about poor Jenson Button nearly being ambushed by gunmen, perhaps he will keep having flashbacks during the race and drive like a nutter and win.

Shellie B

Am getting "Crafty"

Found a lovely throw pattern to Crochet, surprised myself when I realised I can now blend colours and make a lovely little square, cant wait to finish it.  When I have some money I am going to do one in Red, Grey, Black and Cream/White colour as I have black leather sofa, red carpet and Purely Shell paint on the walls, chose that paint because of the name, yes am a saddo, firstly I am going to do one with the colours I randomly got a couple of weeks ago and try and sell it to fund more Crochet, luckily I think all the colours go rather well together.

As I was tired but excited I did a couple more squares but counted incorrectly and did not tie off properly so they cannot be used, but I love the "Popcorn" stitch and think throws made in a variety of colours should sell, I could offer to custom make them so people can choose there own colour preferences.

Did not really do much else yesterday, my memory is not allowing myself to recall what I got up to but I know I went to the Library, posted my Medical Certificate to Job Centre and had a good cry as they are still appealing my benefits, not sure when that will be resolved but hopefully I will be fit for work soon as I feel the new tablets are ok but its early days.  I am still taking my Dizzy/Nausea tablets which really help and means I can function.

Well the cats have still not released that the clocks when back and were prodding me at silly 'o' hour again, as I did not budge Abigail got under the covers and started making bread on my tummy with her sharp little pins, that worked and up I got so washing is done and out on the line, housework is done and now I am going to do some Crochet before Andy Pandy comes round.  We are off to the cinema tonight to see Saw (see saw hahahahahahaha, sorry lost it for a while) in 3D, I am so excited as I have not seen anyone for 2 weeks and I love seeing Andy as he listens to all my woes and supports me so much, I have made a blackcurrant Jelly, which keeps calling me from the fridge, and will make us fish and chips for tea, I do feel guilty though as he is again treating me to the cinema, will spoil him when I am working again, he has become such a great friend to me that I never realised was just there in the background waiting for me to ask for help, love him to bits, even though he does love his comics very much!!!!


Right am going to put Trueblood Season 3 on as Eric is soooooooooooooo hot in that season, whilst I do some more crochet,

Happy Caturday,
Shellie B

Baking, Cleaning, Fish Tanks and Frogs!

Well after my few dark days the light is shining on me again, thanks mummy for giving me your strength, beautiful characteristics and great sense of humor, we always managed to keep each other sane and I know you are still doing that from whatever lays beyond for us all.

Most of yesterday was spent on the PC, had quite a few enquiries regarding the room, so thats looking positive, searched for my next crochet project and surfed about a bit, after suffering from a numb bum (must get new computer chair), I decided to get the fish tank out of the shed, which has been in there for over a year, the cardboard box I had stored it in had molded to it, there were snails everywhere and mud, then when I pick it up a bloody frog jumped out at me, ooh I hate those things, only because they leap about and surprise you, I quickly hid it before the cats saw it, could just imagine Tiffany fluffy bum trying to work out what that was!!!!  Anyway gave it a lovely clean, its all dried out this morning and I am pleased to say everything electrical still works in it, I now have a quandry, do I sell it or keep it.  It has a 3 way filter, a light and Tetranec filter and air bubble curtain thingy that goes through the ship, I recogn I could maybe get £30 for it????  Or shall I get some fish, have found a lovely spot on one of the kitchen worksurfaces for it, but I must admit I dont have a good track record with keeping them alive, maybe I should get a couple and if they die then sell it?

As I had my cleaning and domesticated head on I cleaned the grill, eugh layers of tin foil later and now its all sparkly so am too frightened to use it and dirty it now!  I then decided to make some muffins from my GI Diet book but had to improvise slightly as I did not have all the ingredients, they are low in fat, high in fibre and great for snacks as they are very filling, they take me a bit of getting used to as I have such a HUGE sweet tooth, here is the recipe incase anyone is interested in trying them:

Dried Fruit Bran Muffins

45g (1 1/2 oz) All Bran Cereal
225ml (8fl oz) Skimmed Milk
100g (3 1/2 oz) Whole Wheat Flour
5 tbsp Sugar or Sugar substitute
2 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/4 tsp Salt
1 tsp Cinnamon or Allspice
180g (6oz) Oat Bran
100g (3 1/2 oz) Dried Fruit
1 Egg
2 tsp Vegetable Oil

1. Mix the All-Bran and skimmed milk in a bowl and let stand for a few minutes
2. In a large bowl, mix the flour, sugar, baking power, baking soda, salt and spices.  Stir in the oat bran and dried fruit.
3. In a small bowl, combine the egg and vegetable oil.  Stir, along with the All-Bran mixture into the dry ingredients.
4. Spoon mixture into either an oil-sprayed 12 muffin tray or into 12 muffin cases.  Bake at 175°c/350°F/Gas Mark 4 for 20 minutes or until lightly browned.
5. Nom Nom Nom Nom

Finally as my Tapestry Needle had arrived from my lovely friend Wendy, I decided to do some more of my cross stitch, I can do this quite easily now whilst watching the TV, its so relaxing, still have quite a bit to do and a birdie has landed!!!!

Today I am going to start on a Crochet blanket and ponder over what do to with my Fish tank............any suggestions regarding fish tank please comment below as I cannot make my mind up.

Happy Friday,
Shellie B

Mr Blue Bear born 3rd November 2010 and room for rent

Well I have finally finished my first crochet project, Little Mr Blue Bear, it was a big learning curve as each limb or ear was done differently as I was sussing out what I should be doing but I dont think he has turned out too bad, this is what is he supposed to look like and also the PATTERN.   I am going to keep him as a momento and maybe make him some little clothes as I go along, I also want to get some red felt and make him a little heart, I am not sure about this bow but had to use what I could scavenge around the house, hmmmm now the decision on what to make next........

Mr Blue Bear  ~^..^~

I am not sure what I am going to make next but I think I should try something I can sell as I am struggling big time on my benefits and this extra money will help me buy more materials to keep on with my new hobby.  I have decided to make the 3rd little bedroom into a craft room, it does not have any electrical sockets (strange little house) but one of the sewing machines is powered from a light bulb fitting (even stranger little house).  I will need to find a really cheap table to set up in the room for the sewing machine, I have spare sets of drawers that I can use for supplies and I think I will paint and maybe stencil them to might it look more cosy and pretty.

Well I had the last of my sleeping pills last night so its now time to face reality and just give myself a right royal kick up the backside and get on with things, I laid in bed for a while this morning dwelling on things that were worrying me and things that should be said instead of bottling them up. I emailed my good friend, who saved my Abigail's life, today as I felt I needed to explain how I was feeling, I just hope it has not been taking offensively as that is not how it is meant but I just dont want to add to other peoples stress to which I am very conscious about perhaps doing this.  I have also put the master bedroom up for rent HERE so everyone please keep everything crossed as that would be a real blessing to get some one in and have the extra money.

EDF lady called me back yesterday, what a really lovely person, sometimes you just know that people love there jobs and give really good customer service, well she was one of them, I did not get her last name but she is going to call me back at the end of the month to do a new meter reading so I will get it then and write to her company to sing her praises.  Well my gas went down from £35 per fortnight to £20 and the electricity is £27, now providing I pay that then all warrants on my property will cease, this is going to be a real struggle as I currently only received £130.90 per fortnight and I still have my water, Mobile, TV, Landline, Broadband and car insurance to pay.  My mobile is now set to receive calls only so I will not get any more monthly charges for the next 10 weeks whilst I pay that off, TV/Broadband/Landline are all tied in and I have the cheapest option on those and my car insurance is £34 a month but I cannot reduce that but I am really hopeful I can get the doctor to agree that I can start to work part time in the next few weeks, again fingers crossed everyone.

Today I lit a candle for my precious mummy HERE, select search at the top and put in Shell and then select the United Kingdom one and you will see my candle and words,

I cant tell you what a relieve it is to be able to open curtains now that I know the EDF situation is sorted as I was hiding in my house before and not answering the door as too scared.  I am also feeling much less teary today but that could be that I have no more tears to cry and I have got a few things off my chest, the only thing bugging me now is that there is a really annoying rose branch rubbing on the patio doors, I might have to go and chop it as its making an awful scraping/screeching noise.

As my blogs have been so depressing lately I am leaving you with a picture of my lovely Angel and her first kitties she had back on 160407,

Shellie B

Few bad days

As expected I have had a few really bad days from coming off my meds, Sunday I started some kind of gastric thing and was so dizzy I could not watch tv, walk or do anything, so I laid in bed like a zombie, not moving.

I had my scheduled visit to the docs yesterday and am now on Flouxetine, chemical name for prozac, and as the doc now thinks I have 2 viral infections I am on some gross tablets that I have to let dissolve on my gum to help with the dizziness/nausea, I also have co-codamol for the pain and temazepam to help me sleep if needed.  With all this going on and the changing of my anti-depressants I am signed off for another 2 months, due to see doc in 4 weeks to see how things are going with new meds.

After the visit to the docs I decided to pop to the shops as I was out and get a nice thick slice loaf for some toast, as usual I cannot just get what I go in the shop for and ended up buying eggs, double decker 4 pack, blackcurrant jelly and beef supernoodles, odd shop I know but I thought I could do with some comfort food once I could eat again, the eggs are so that I can make some of my high bran muffins when I feel up to it as they are great and filling for snacks.

My crochet has taken a back seat as I cannot read to do the patterns, let alone concentrate, so poor Blue Bear just has his head at the moment, picture below.  My lovely friend, Wendy, has posted me a tapestry needle so that I can carry on with my cross stitch as mine did a runner and I posted a little package off to my lovely little online friend, Sophie, yesterday with an instructional DVD about Crochet as she had been struggling to learn this craft before and I found the DVD so easy to follow and also has a great reference chapter for a refresher on basic stitches.

Blue Bear taking shape

I have managed to wash up and hoover this morning, had some toast and a cup of tea, now have silly tablet on gum so I can pay online bills without feeling too sick when eyes are moving around looking at things, not sure what the rest of the day has in store but I know it will be very uneventful.

Shellie B