Shake, Rattle and Roly Poly

So today I have been to the doctors because I am thoroughly fed up of taking a step forward but then stagger back 10, I am at my wits end and do not want to end up where I was this time last year.

I went with my list:

1. Do not feel tablets are working, very irratible, mood very low and cannot see anything positive on the horizon
2. Cannot exercise due to pain in my ankles, this pain wakes me up, can hardly put any weight on them in the morning when I get out of bed, feet go numb when exercising
3. Shooting pain from my groin to the top of my foot, not all the time but when it comes on I double over in pain.
4. Cannot lose weight and am finding it really depressing

Doctors answer "we can only deal with one of those things today, which one is it?"  So I opted for trying to shed the weight as that is preventing me from exercising, restricts me at my job when I am in London and need to walk around quite a bit etc, its also making me really depressed at how fat and gross I look, I struggle sleeping as cannot get comfortable.

Doctors answer "ok lets deal with your feet"  Apparently I am putting too much pressure/strain on my tendons, my feet are red hot and inflamed around that area, I am also not wearing the right footwear, I need to be wearing supportive trainers..............I am not allowed to wear trainers to work!

Outcome, I have come away with 4 prescriptions and am now £30 worse off:

• Venlafaxine 75mg = 56 tablets
• Solpadol 30/500mg = 100 tablets
• Naproxen 500mg = 56 tablets
• Temazepam 10mg = 14 tablets

All I can say "its a good job I am not suicidal", oh hold on I am and I told her that, maybe she has had enough of hearing me winging and touching my smelly feet lol

Not sure if this is a good idea but I am currently colouring my hair, if that goes wrong then the clippers I bought for the cats are coming out, just call me Miss Stoned Baldybonce!!!!!

Shellie B xxx

Snap out of it!!!!!

Over the last few weeks I have been so down, not really knowing why, wanted attention and not go any, am hating everything in my life but as my good friend @tarquydrawers said, look where I was this time last year, so this blog is going to do that.

This time last year I was facing being out of work as my contract was not being renewed.  My happy pills were causing problems with my bladder so I was coming off them to try a different one.  My house was on the market and in a terrible state.  I was binge drinking and making myself very ill, physically and mentally, including taking overdoses when drunk as it seemed like a good idea.  My general view on life was that I was tired and wanted it all to end.

So what is different this year, I have a fabulous job for the money I wanted to be earning and am doing very well at it.  I have joined a gym and am fighting to get my fitness back and self respect.  I do not drink.  Even though I rehomed two cats last year I have given a poor lost cat a lovely new home where he is very loved by me and the girls.  I have a lodger who is friendly and seems to like me for who I am.  I have re-invented myself with a new hairstyle and a brand new tattoo.  My house is looking lovely as I redecorated last year.  I know how to crochet, cross stitch and am learning to sketch.

The negative things in my life at the moment are that I cant seem to have any willpower to diet or go to the gym regularly, I still feel very sorry for myself and demand attention, then throw a wobbly when I dont get attention and cut those people out from my life.  I have arrears on my mortgage which are being paid each month, I have trouble sleeping which makes me tired and irratible, which then makes me in a bad mood because I hate being miserable to people.  I have an addiction to Co-Codomal so much that I take 6 or 8 at a time and they have no effect on me now.

Plan of action to make more out of my life, be thankful for the roof over my head and for the unconditional love shown to me by 5 little faces every time I see them.  Research into a good diet that I can stick to, one that is not too expensive and easy to follow and prepare.  Make a rota and exercise plan for the gym.  Be thankful that I have a good job, one where I am appreciated.  Clear mortgage arrears and get IVA sorted for unsecured debt.

So from next week I will be starting my plan of action and will try not to be so hard on those around me just because I am tired and miserable.

Shellie B