Shake, Rattle and Roly Poly

So today I have been to the doctors because I am thoroughly fed up of taking a step forward but then stagger back 10, I am at my wits end and do not want to end up where I was this time last year.

I went with my list:

1. Do not feel tablets are working, very irratible, mood very low and cannot see anything positive on the horizon
2. Cannot exercise due to pain in my ankles, this pain wakes me up, can hardly put any weight on them in the morning when I get out of bed, feet go numb when exercising
3. Shooting pain from my groin to the top of my foot, not all the time but when it comes on I double over in pain.
4. Cannot lose weight and am finding it really depressing

Doctors answer "we can only deal with one of those things today, which one is it?"  So I opted for trying to shed the weight as that is preventing me from exercising, restricts me at my job when I am in London and need to walk around quite a bit etc, its also making me really depressed at how fat and gross I look, I struggle sleeping as cannot get comfortable.

Doctors answer "ok lets deal with your feet"  Apparently I am putting too much pressure/strain on my tendons, my feet are red hot and inflamed around that area, I am also not wearing the right footwear, I need to be wearing supportive trainers..............I am not allowed to wear trainers to work!

Outcome, I have come away with 4 prescriptions and am now £30 worse off:

• Venlafaxine 75mg = 56 tablets
• Solpadol 30/500mg = 100 tablets
• Naproxen 500mg = 56 tablets
• Temazepam 10mg = 14 tablets

All I can say "its a good job I am not suicidal", oh hold on I am and I told her that, maybe she has had enough of hearing me winging and touching my smelly feet lol

Not sure if this is a good idea but I am currently colouring my hair, if that goes wrong then the clippers I bought for the cats are coming out, just call me Miss Stoned Baldybonce!!!!!

Shellie B xxx

Snap out of it!!!!!

Over the last few weeks I have been so down, not really knowing why, wanted attention and not go any, am hating everything in my life but as my good friend @tarquydrawers said, look where I was this time last year, so this blog is going to do that.

This time last year I was facing being out of work as my contract was not being renewed.  My happy pills were causing problems with my bladder so I was coming off them to try a different one.  My house was on the market and in a terrible state.  I was binge drinking and making myself very ill, physically and mentally, including taking overdoses when drunk as it seemed like a good idea.  My general view on life was that I was tired and wanted it all to end.

So what is different this year, I have a fabulous job for the money I wanted to be earning and am doing very well at it.  I have joined a gym and am fighting to get my fitness back and self respect.  I do not drink.  Even though I rehomed two cats last year I have given a poor lost cat a lovely new home where he is very loved by me and the girls.  I have a lodger who is friendly and seems to like me for who I am.  I have re-invented myself with a new hairstyle and a brand new tattoo.  My house is looking lovely as I redecorated last year.  I know how to crochet, cross stitch and am learning to sketch.

The negative things in my life at the moment are that I cant seem to have any willpower to diet or go to the gym regularly, I still feel very sorry for myself and demand attention, then throw a wobbly when I dont get attention and cut those people out from my life.  I have arrears on my mortgage which are being paid each month, I have trouble sleeping which makes me tired and irratible, which then makes me in a bad mood because I hate being miserable to people.  I have an addiction to Co-Codomal so much that I take 6 or 8 at a time and they have no effect on me now.

Plan of action to make more out of my life, be thankful for the roof over my head and for the unconditional love shown to me by 5 little faces every time I see them.  Research into a good diet that I can stick to, one that is not too expensive and easy to follow and prepare.  Make a rota and exercise plan for the gym.  Be thankful that I have a good job, one where I am appreciated.  Clear mortgage arrears and get IVA sorted for unsecured debt.

So from next week I will be starting my plan of action and will try not to be so hard on those around me just because I am tired and miserable.

Shellie B

Time for Change

For the last year I have kept on saying that I really want to lose the weight i have put on over the last few years through binge drinking, lack of exercise and really unhealthy eating but I just have not had the motivation to do it, well this year is going to be different.  Even though I really hate how I look at the moment I am posting a picture with this blog to motivate me even more because everytime I look at it I just feel disgust, I have also put a picture of the weight I always was before the brain tumor/steroids/binge drinking and junk food diet.

Since I have stopped the binge drinking and was offered a really fab job I have found a new reason for living and looking after myself, so I have joined DW Sports, bit expensive but it has a swimming pool and lots of eqiupment which means there is always something to free to exercise on, I have also started a carb free diet and have diet & toning protein drinks.  My aim last week was to go to the gym everyday but with the events of Chino and then having to collect my glasses I only managed 2 but was pleased that I burned 400 calories each time.

I struggle so much when people at work eat crisps as I automatically want to snack so I bought some trail mix and have now got used to munching on this.  My normal days diet consists of trail mix for mid morning, salad and low fat chocolate mousse for lunch, protein shake late afternoon and then meat cooked in griddle pan accompanied with a big portion of steamed veg to fill me up, I started this diet approx 2 weeks ago.

As trail mix has raisins or currants in I decided to make my own using, mixture of nuts (Peanuts, Walnuts, Brazil nuts, Hazelnuts, Almonds), Diced Pineapple, Diced Papaya, Banana Chips and Toasted Coconut, the reason I do this is because if I really cant stomach something then I will not stick to the diet, I also have a mixture of seeds which are coated in soya, they are so tasty.  I buy all these ingredients from The Dailybread, I could easily spend a fortune in there.


On Saturday I had all my hair chopped off and my first ever spray tan, my lodger came home today and said how much it suited me and that I looked like I had lost weight, was so chuffed!!!  To finish my weekend pampering off I painted my nails, the wonderful @sophieissmall sent me a lovely package filled of goodies and one of them was Barry M Emerald Green nail varnish which I topped off with Barry M Black Nail Effects and a sparkly top coat, love the finished effect.

FINALLY, I am so pleased to announce that I have  LOST 10 LBS in just 2 weeks - my starting weight was 15.6 stone............

Shellie B

Chino's Incredible Journey

Those that follow me on Twitter or have access to my Facebook know that I have another cat, I did not choose to get another one as I thought 3 were enough to keep me company, instead this gorgeous creature found us.

It was a lovely sunny day on the Sunday, 1st May so I decided I would spend some time weeding the back garden, as my health is still not back 100% I have to sit on the floor to do each section and then move to the next, whilst sitting on the floor this kind of manky evil looking cat appeared, not one I had seen before but I was really surprised to see how friendly it was, it stayed around me all the time I was in the garden and even was still out there after I had come back in.

The next time I ventured out the back was Tuesday 3rd May after work and this sorry looking cat came running out of my shed meowing at me, it looked starving so I fed it, the poor little cat then came into the kitchen and ate my 3 cats dinner, as soon as I tried to shut the door it ran into the garden.  The next morning I opened the door to see if it was still there and again it came running out of the shed, this time I left it some food and water outside.


By Friday morning I was quite concerned because it look like a pedigree cat, so convinced that it would have a microchip I took it to the vets (me and Chino off to vets in piccie below)  and sure enough it did, I called the company the chip was registered with and learnt that he was called Chino and about 5-6 years old, they tried to contact the registered owner but they had moved and no one knew where she had gone.  I instantly called round all the vets and gave them all the information I had about him and had also advertised him as found on nationalpetregister.

Over the weekend Chino had been coming into the house from the patio doors, eventually he learnt how to use the catflap and found his space on the bed, my 3 did not seem bothered about him apart from Tiffany but that was just because she was jealous of the attention, by Tuesday I did not think that we would find the owner but had a telephone call at work and then is when I learn't of his sad story.

His owner had gone through some personal issues and was left homeless so she found new owners for Chino and his brother (I was horrified when I found out he had a brother as he was on his own).  That person promised to keep them together but unfortunately her children had an allergy to the cats, so Bagpuss (Chinos brother) was put in a cattery and Chino was given to someone in a flat in Kings Heath.  His owner wanted him back but I wanted to find out more as she had given up ownership so really he did no belong to her anymore, was her accommodation stable enough to have him back, what was best for Chino?  After an emotional conversation with his first owner I told her I was not happy to unsettle him again as he was very relaxed and seemed really happy at home with me and the girls, I could not imagine what the poor thing had gone through, being rehomed twice, seperated from his brother and then either abandoned or lost.

The next day me and his 1st owner spoke again as I was feeling a bit guilty and wondered if I was being mean, oh thank you to @supernatural, @chellelouou and @tarquaydrawers for reading my rambling emails and helping me rationalise the situation, anyway she had come to the decision that as he was settled he should stay with me, she was very anxious as she wanted to make sure that I would take good care of him, I promised to keep in contact with her and now she is a friend on my facebook so she can see regular pictures I post of him and I have told her she is welcome to come and visit in a couple of weeks to put her mind at rest and see how well he is doing and what a loving home he now has.

A couple of days later she sent me a mail through Facebook as she had found out where in Kings Heath Chino had been rehomed, I looked this up on google maps and was stunned to see how far he had travelled to find his forever home, the map below shows where he started from to get to me, obviously he may not have stuff to the paths lol

I still think its nothing short of a miracle that he found his way to my house and everytime I look at him my heart breaks as I see the trusting eyes and happy content face and I just cant help but think how can someone abandon him like that.  I do also wonder if maybe someone dumped him in the field next to my house and maybe he followed the girls home as there is no way mine would have gone that far, infact I know they dont even go out to the road and very rarely go out into the front garden.

Who would have thought a little lost soul would want to come and live with me, I feel so honoured and think that maybe my mum guided him to me as she knew I would do what was best for him, I am also amazed at how well my 3 get on with him, they just accepted him like he has always lived with us.

The only thing left to do for him now so that he feels part of the gang is to give him his own twitter account as he cant be known as a sassy sisfur, but I cannot think of a name that would suit him, if anyone has any ideas please post below, there is a prize up for grabs which is great if you are a cat or a cat owns you, kindly donated by @phoebeiscrazy.

Time to go and snuggle with my lovely furry family, Chino is never far from me and has to be touching so he knows that I am not going anywhere, I my new extended family so much..............

Shellie B

May Day Fun

Another lovely short week at work which flew by and then the Royal Wedding, I did not think I would watch it but was glued to the box as I wanted to see the wedding dress, well worth the wait and she looked stunning.

I spent the next day in bed poorly and then Sunday I tackled the back garden, did most of it but still one side of it left to do, hopefully only couple of hours work, at least I can now open the blinds for the patio doors as it doesnt look too bad out there now.

Today (May Day) I went and visited @anansi_ and @tarquydrawers in Coventry and we spent the afternoon in a lovely little village called Little Itchington (I think), I had my first (and probably last) Buffalo Burger, we saw some Morris Dancers and I recalled a childhood activity, horseriding, when we saw 2 beautiful shire horses

After we finished talking to the horses we went to the local pond, if you look closely you can see the ducklings.....................honest!!!

Then we headed off to The Blue Lias (I think that is what is was called) at Stockton and sat outside next to the canal for a drink, we did want some lunch but the kitchen was closed so we had a gorgeous curry just down the road from Mr and Mrs Trumpydrawers.

It was an absolutely beautiful day, spent in the most wonderful company, cannot wait to visit them again.

Shellie B

A bit Sketchy

Never one for being content, I always like to set myself new challenges, the biggest one this year so far has been my job but thankfully that is all settling down now and I seem to be getting respect from all levels throughout the business.  I am known for finding bugs in the software, my boss thinks its great but the poor developers feel a bit upset that they are there, CEO is amazed none of them have been found before.  Those of you that know me I am like a dog with a bone and test the hell out of things to make sure they work before I give the go ahead for it to be used.  Even D is now asking for my help and we are quite often found sitting huddled round a PC working through problems together, we are even known to have a right laugh at work now, such a great place to work, how many offices can you play ineundo bingo involving the directors?????

Last year whilst I was not fit to work I challenged myself to learn cross-stitch and crochet, both I managed after a few tantrums and now I want to push myself even more so have started to learn how to sketch, my first picture is below.............and yes I am learning how to sketch cats lol

Not bad for 1st attempt, hopefully its obvious that its a cat!!!!  Feeling quite motivated I then sketched some more and tried different pencils to get a variety of shading effects

I even took my sketchpad into work and sat round the lake at lunchtime

Finally I tried to sketch from a photograph of Tiffany, I definately need much more practise but my aim is to be able to sketch from pictures and then to learn Water Colouring, I hope you will come back to see how I progress and hopefully improve

Shellie B

Shaking of hands and crossing fingers

Well I put a brave face on today and went into work, got there about 7.30am as I was wide awake, my boss dropped in on his way to the station and thanked me for coming in, D walked in about 8.15am and ignored me so I made a point of saying hello to break the ice.

My boss had already informed me that the Managing Director was travelling from Wales to be in the office as no management would be in, what he didnt say was that he was coming to try and sort the situation out.  It was my turn first to say what I thought and believe me I did, then I went and got D so they could both have a chat, then I was called in.

MD had a little speech about how we need to work together etc etc, how we have to be prepared to listen to explanations, ask for help etc, this is all I have ever wanted then to my surprise D actually apologised to me and very sincerely, I think what happened last night made him realise how tough I was finding his behaviour, I also think his wife gave him bit of a talking to about it all.

So we all shook hands and today has been amazing, I have carried on as usual, have been watching how I have been asking or answering anything but D has been coming to me for help, we have been joking and laughing, he made me 2 cups of coffee.  What has made me so happy is that he has asked for my help 1st thing tomorrow as he does not know much about Excel and he is struggling to do something, as I normally get there just after 8am and so does D we are going to work together before 9am, this is a 1st for D on all levels.

So fingers crossed that this is the start of a new professional and respectful partnership, oh and to make my day even more perfect I received a holiday present from the most wonderful couple in the world, Mr Ian Lawrence and Mrs Karen Lawrence, friends that I truly value and hope to know for the rest of my life, isn't it just lovely and looks so much like my Abigail:

 Shellie B