Medically Fit at Last

So I have been to the doctors this morning, bit disappointed as I could not see my regular doctor who has supported me through the last 8 months of hell, as I wanted to share with her my great news about the job I was offered last week.

Anyway, locum doctor has signed me back to work, was not really interested in what I had to say, just kept on about how I have come there with great news etc etc, well after some chatting she agreed to increase the dosage of my meds as I feel my mood is not where it has been or should be, just wish they had done this a couple of weeks ago when I asked.

I have had a busy week sorting through various things around the house I can sell, I have sent off 3 mobiles for recycling for cash and sold over 80 dvd's, this is all raising approx £150, which sounds great as I really need the money for fuel etc until I get paid from my new job, but Paypal have put a real dampner on it all as they are holding EVERY single payment.  I emailed them right away and got this response:

• Your total Feedback score is 100 or greater-  (currently you only have
63 feedback score)
• Your average DSR is 4.5 or greater- (currently you have No DSR)

Unfortunately my feedback from Folksy is not taken into consideration on this decision and also I have no idea what DSR means?  I have emailed them back explaining so far I have incurred over £30 in shipping fees and asked them to release some of the funds, not holding out much hope.

On a plus side my bargain Black Suit Jacket I bought from Ebay for just over £4 arrived and is absolutely lovely, great quality, dusky pink lining, looks very expensive and fits perfectly, I also received my order from JD Williams, as when I sorted through my wardrobe I discovered that nothing fits me anymore, so now I have enough work clothes to see me through until payday, hopefully with the return to work I will start to lose some weight as I will be more active and my existing clothes will fit again.

Even though I am excited to be starting work, as I will have a purpose and some structure back into my life, I am a bit apprehensive as I am having to go to their Ireland office in Galway for some training, the guy I am taking over from is based over there.  This means I will have to fly all on my own, normally things like this would not bother me but after being shut away in my house for 8 months it will be a real shock to the system, at least I will see Slinky Lynne before I fly out as she is kindly letting me leave my car at her house and will take me to the airport Monday evening and pick me up Wednesday evening.  The hotel I have been booked into looks very posh, hopefully they will have wifi so that I can keep in touch with everyone.

Back is killing so going to take some Co-Codomal and be spaced out for most of the day *starts floating on fluffy cloud..............*

Shellie B

Do you believe in fate??????

I have always believed that we go through certain things in life to set us on the right path for the future and that things happen for a reason, however hard they are to deal with at the time but in the long run it was the correct thing to happen.

For example, I was so devastated when Laura told me she was leaving but now John has arrived and we get on so well, his arrival also meant I could afford to have my hair cut on Tuesday, not that I go anywhere or see anyone, I just wanted to feel better about myself, it also meant I could get my mobile phone reconnected, things all in preparation for when I would be ready to find some part time work, hopefully in March/April time when the doctor would sign me back to work.

After 7 months off work I have been really struggling the last few days, I have been wallowing in self pity as not happy with my weight and about my lack of motivation, even though I know only I CAN change these things, my head still could not make my body move, I have also been dreaming about family members, I cannot remember the exact things that happened but I know they were trying to encourage me, make me believe in myself, at the time I could not see the message as I was just too sad that they are not here anymore, it has taken today's events to understand it all.

So what did happen today that is so monumental in my future, well when I woke up I had decided that I would go for a walk whatever the weather and however I felt, I got a bowl of cereal and sat at my pc, chatting on twitter etc, CupcakeJoJo talked to me about how I was feeling about myself etc which really helped me and then I checked my emails, I was just about to delete my junk mail when a familiar name jumped out at me, I quickly moved the email to my inbox.

Firstly let me explain that I have not have a permaneant job since Dec 2008, when I was made redundant, I have been doing temp and contract work to keep the pennies coming in but then in June 2010 things took a turn for the worse and I have been signed off ill ever since, around that time my contract was coming to an end and I had seen a perfect job advertised, so applied.  I sailed through the telephone interview, which was a conference call with 2 directors, which I didnt realise until the end, otherwise I might not have been my normal cheeky self, but it must have worked as I was asked to attend an interview.  The final decision was very close between me and AN Other, they have described the decision as more like a toss of a coin as it was that close, unfortunately I was not successful but in hindsight that was the best thing that could have happened.

So imagine my shock when I saw the email had come from that company where I had only just missed out on such a great opportunity.  They explained that they are expanding and had another position available but before advertising they would like to discuss it with me, as they had remembered me and were very impressed.  I fired a quick email back asking for more info and went for my walk to think things through, i.e.am I ready to go back to work full time, will the doctor sign me back fit again, do I have enough confidence to impress them again?  When I got back we decided I would attend an interview at 14.30pm today, panic then set in to find something that would fit and I would look all office like and efficient for meeting up with them.

Now this is where fate comes into it, if I had been successful back in June there is no way I would have been able to keep the job down due to the ups and downs of coming of meds, stopping drinking etc, if I had not had my hair cut Tuesday I would not have had so much confidence with how I looked, if I had not had my telephone reconnected I would not have been able to call them to inform them when I had arrived as I could not find the office.

Anyway after an hour of chatting I was offered the job, for the exact money I was hoping for and it is a permaneant job, I get 20 days holiday plus the 8 public bank holidays, it is set in Bletchley Park, home of the Enigma Machine, the grounds are amazing and so I will have no excuses to go for a daily walk at lunch time, apparently we are also allowed to go and look round the various museums/displays they have there too.  I must admit I nearly crashed the car when I drove past a submarine, let alone the Harrier Jet, there is also a huge pond with benches so will be lovely in the summer.  My first week I will be spending 2 days in Galway, right next to the Racecourse, for some training.  I am still in shock and wonder when I will wake up.

So do you believe in fate, I know that I do, I always have, things certainly do happen for a reason, even if they are really devasting, they are things we have to go through to grow and discover who we are, they make us stronger and define our character.  Some people say I am a bit dippy or my sarcastic sense of humor can make some people wary of me, I am not confident about myself but I am confident in my abilities, I have been told before that people feel intimidated by me something to do to my looks (yes I am laughing too) but at the end of the day I am just me, I have seen and experienced all kinds of bad and good things, they have molded me into the person I am now and I would not change a thing.  I treat every person I meet exactly how I would like to be treated, if you wrong me then you lose my trust and friendship, simple.

I really feel that this is the path I have been waiting to take but the time was never right for me to take it, I am now ready for the next chapter in my life.  I could not have achieved this all on my own and owe so much to the continued encouragement from my friends, old and new, thank you all for believing in me and I cannot wait to show you all how right you were in having this faith in me..........

My new workplace in the background

Shellie B

Short Back and One Side...............

After months of not being able to afford to have my hair cut, I booked in to a salon I have never been to before, Regis, prices looked reasonable and Salon looked very nice, clean and professional, not some side treat blue rinse jobby if you know what I mean.

I arrived a bit early as I wanted to have a look through some mags first as I had no idea what I wanted to have done but I just knew I wanted something drastic as I was feeling drab, old and frumpy.  My stylist was Libby and she was sooooo helpful, did not seem huffy that I didnt have a clue what I wanted done and was so eager to help me decide.  They also had some foam thing they put on the edge of the sink when washing hair, because I have had my head surgery at the base of my skull, I always find these really painful, but I could rest my head completely on the sink whilst it was being washed, did not get a head massage though when conditioner was put on but then we cant have everything.

Libby cut my hair in stages as it was quite long and she didnt want to cut it all off and I then decide it was too short, she talked me through what she was going to do before she did anything to make sure I was happy, I cant recall ever having that kind of customer service before in a Salon.

Soon there was a new me starting to emerge and I was liking what I was seeing in the mirror, Libby dried my hair exactly how I would have done it myself and took her time over it, I could really tell how much she loves what she does.  After 5 years of living in Northampton I have finally found a hairdresser that I am really happy with and will deffo be returning, I might even treat myself to a few dashes of colour next time.

I have posted some pics below so you can decide what you think of the end result or if you maybe prefer the longer style I had before:

BEFORE

AFTER

Below are pics of side views as one is longer than the other but you cant really see if from the picture above:

SHORT SIDE

LONG SIDE

Am so over the moon with my new hairstyle, my hair is shinier, more full of life and I feel like a new person.  I walked around town afterwards with my head held high and did not worry about the occasional few looks I got from people, am ready to face the outside world again!!!!

Shellie B

Winter Blues

Well I certainly have been suffering with some kind of blues, began after xmas really, could not get myself back into anything, even my crochet has suffered, then last week I just went right downhill and beyond, nothing anyone could say could bring me out of it, I very nearly turned to drink so I could blot out the days!

Think one of the things that tipped me over was that I had a facebook message from Laura saying she was moving out, now that hurt me as it made me feel I must be a really awful person as they did not feel comfortable saying anything face to face, also it has meant I cannot pay the bills that urgently need sorting out and the thought of coping on my benefits again frightened me.  Even in my gloom I did manage to re-advertise the room and have 3 potentials coming round today, so I have everything crossed.

On Sunday I decided that I couldnt go on like this, just wasting away in my own sorrow, not moving from the sofa day after day, I could feel all my muscles wasting away again and that made me even more down as I would look at myself and be disgusted, so, with the help of Laura, I put together a daily schedule and decided to start this from Monday.  It contains very simple things like when to get up, when to eat, planned activities like walking, reading, crafting etc but when you are so deep in depression you dont do these things for yourself and until I put this together I would never have thought it would have worked.

So I set my alarm so I wake up the same time every day and have started my walking again, I think my cats love it as that means I am up early so they get there breakfast at a reasonable time.  I feel so much better from my walks, even though my legs are really painful and I have a huge blister on my right foot but I am not going to give up.  My lovely cruse lady came today, she was burgled before xmas and lost all contact details so had not been able to get in touch to come and see me, but anyway we are back on track again and she has convinced me to open my Folksy shop again, which I have now done.

Today I achieved something that I have never done in my life before, I made some SOUP!!!!  Its a Chunky Vegetable Winter Energy Boosting Detox and even if I do say so myself it is absolutely scrummy, the amount I have made will do my lunches for the week. When I went to get the ingredients I couldnt remember what beans to get so used Cannellini beans instead, as these were already in my cupboard, I also did not put in the semi-sun dried tomatoes as I am a bit funny with cooked tomatoes, it doesn't look very appetising but believe me it is:

Here is the recipe if any of you would like to try it:

1.5tbsp Olive Oil                                 
1 Large Onion - sliced
3 Celery sticks, Sliced                         
1/2 x 180g pack kale, spinach or pack choi, roughly shredded
2 Garlic cloves, crushed  (i used garlic flakes)                    
8 Semi-dried tomatoes
1tbsp tomato puree                             
750ml hot vegetable stock
290g can Borlotti beans, drained         
75g frozen broad beans (i used sweetcorn)
75g Frozen peas                                 
Few sprigs of fresh thyme (i used dry mixed herbs)

1.heat the oil in a large pan and slowly cook the onion and celery until soft
2. add the shredded greens and garlic, cook for another 2 minutes
3. stir in the tomatoes and puree, add the stock, beans, peas and thyme, simmer for 30 mins

This should serve 4 and has 424 calories per serving, you can serve with parmesan and garlic bread.

I got this recipe from the January Asda magazine and have never normally bothered cooking anything from these free mags but this looked so easy to do and very cheap, it works out about 95p per serving.  I will certainly try other things and will aim to do something new at least once a week.

Right my first person is due anytime soon so need to do a quick sweep of the house and look like I am a very lovely person.

Shellie B

Bed has arrived!!!!

Well as most of you know I have for the last couple of months been sleeping on an airbed which aggravated my back no end, so after much encouragement I treated myself to a new bed, only a cheap budget one as I have other things that need paying out too, well it arrived yesterday.

Here are some pictures of what my room looked like before so you can see how uncomfortable and horrible my bedroom looked, no wonder I never got a good nights sleep:

After

Before

I think the "After" picture still looks messy and would love to get a dressing table or some shelving to make it look neater, the next pictures are a massive improvement and "fingers crossed" the curtain rail is up, woo hoo.  Spent all day yesterday trying to sort it out, the wall is miles to hard to drill into and the no more nails glue I had was useless, I invested in some stronger glue as the DIY store did not have any heavy duty masonry drill bits in stock, left it all to set over night and it all seems quite sturdy, lets just hope I dont get awoken in the night with a curtain rail on my head.

After

Before

I am loving my new curtains, 1st time in 5 years this bedroom has had any curtains in it, they were only £7.44 instead of £24.89 from Argos and look so much better than online, they did not have the size I wanted in stock so I bought 2 pairs of the smaller ones, but 1 pair does fit so will take the others back today.  They are not lined but I have blinds in that window so it doesnt matter.  I have also put my "Heart" on the wall bought from CupcakeJoJo's folksy shop, goes so well with the colour scheme and I have also put up my "Trueblood" calender from Sophie, it finally feels like a bedroom now.

As mentioned as the beginning the bed was a "Budget" bed so I was not expecting anything grand but I was not expecting the castors to break just when the weight of the bed was put on them, I am still waiting for a response from the seller regarding this but am not hopeful, I have glued them and put tons of tape around them so hopefully another bodge fix job should do the trick.  The mattress is not very comfy but I may treat myself to a Memory Foam mattress topper which will be cheaper than buying a new mattress.

My first night in my new bed was not blissful, probably shock of being in a bed and not on the floor but I slept much better than I have in ages.  Right off to take packaging to the local tip, curtains back for a refund and maybe grap something nice for lunch.

Shellie B

So much for being positive in 2011

Well I have no idea what is going on with me, I am sitting here crying like a baby and even though I have only just got up, I still feel exhausted, I am just fed up with how I look, feel and with life in general I think.

My Cruse counsellor has not been since 16th December, so I have not had any support to see me through Xmas and New Year period, part of me thinks I must of peed her off so much with all my crap that she doesnt want to bother with me, like lots of friends in the past have done.

I have been trying really hard to do my Crochet and am struggling again to pick up my hook and do anything, I am thinking of shutting down my Folksy shop as no Sales this year yet, I think it was just for the run up to Xmas that I sold anything anyway.

I have not walked Beauty, Laura's dog, for 2 days and that makes me feel so guilty as I am here with her during the day and have to look at her little sad puppy eyes and listen to her wining, on the plus side all the animals are getting on, my cats are comfortable around the dog now and so its all back to normal, few spats with Angel and Talim but I just think thats because Angel is so playful and scares the sh*t out of everyone!!!!

On another plus side my bed is being delivered tomorrow, fingers crossed, so at least I know I will have something to do tomorrow, as I plan to change the room around, try and put up curtain rail and buy some thin curtains as I already have blinds in the window, want to try and make it more relaxing and like a proper bedroom for me.

Well I feel better for getting my thoughts out in the open on my blog, just hope I have not made anyone think *for gods sake does all she ever do is winge"!

Shellie B

1st post of 2011

Well I am not quite sure what has happened to me beginning of this year, I am very demoralised, sluggish, demotivated and just generally fed up, so much for my positive start to the New Year, I am going to put it down to the change of my meds again and them not having time to be working yet!!!!

Finally got my crochet hooks out again as really need to get some sales in my Folksy shop, not one this year yet *sob sob*, it is so difficult to know what is going to appeal to people out there, I may even resort to trying to sell on Ebay, especially as I am signed off for a further 2 months so I need some extra money to help survive.

Those of you reading my blog will get a sneaky peak preview of the new scarf I am going to be listing today, I love the colour so much that I am going to keep this for myself and make some mitt mitts in the same colour:

Its a very delicate scarf using a "Strawberry" pattern, which you can make out if you look closely, I also decided to make some mittens, even though I love fingerless gloves, I found my hands get so cold when de-icing the car or out walking the dog, I didnt want to just to plain ones and again wanted to discover a new stitch, so these are made with "Bobble" stitch:

Today I am going to try and make something for Valentines day that to put in my shop, I am also going to amend all my prices to include p&p, as I dont know about you but sometimes when I look for stuff and think its affordable, I have forgotten about the p&p and it is then out of my price range, hopefully this will be more appealing to people too.

I have joined a "weight loss" group on Twitter, #1babyelephant, but am not consciously dieting as budget only allows me so much to spend on food, which is not enough to buy lovely healthy stuff, but I am trying to start my walking every day again.

On a happy note I have treated myself to a new bed as I have, for the last few months, been sleeping on an airbed which is ok when you first get in it but it seems to go down during the night, its very "cold" to sleep on, I also struggle getting up from floor level so spend about 10 mins rolling around the bedroom trying to get up, god I bet my mum is having a good old giggle at her silly daughter when she looks in on me from beyond!!!!

Shellie B