Do you believe in fate??????

I have always believed that we go through certain things in life to set us on the right path for the future and that things happen for a reason, however hard they are to deal with at the time but in the long run it was the correct thing to happen.

For example, I was so devastated when Laura told me she was leaving but now John has arrived and we get on so well, his arrival also meant I could afford to have my hair cut on Tuesday, not that I go anywhere or see anyone, I just wanted to feel better about myself, it also meant I could get my mobile phone reconnected, things all in preparation for when I would be ready to find some part time work, hopefully in March/April time when the doctor would sign me back to work.

After 7 months off work I have been really struggling the last few days, I have been wallowing in self pity as not happy with my weight and about my lack of motivation, even though I know only I CAN change these things, my head still could not make my body move, I have also been dreaming about family members, I cannot remember the exact things that happened but I know they were trying to encourage me, make me believe in myself, at the time I could not see the message as I was just too sad that they are not here anymore, it has taken today's events to understand it all.

So what did happen today that is so monumental in my future, well when I woke up I had decided that I would go for a walk whatever the weather and however I felt, I got a bowl of cereal and sat at my pc, chatting on twitter etc, CupcakeJoJo talked to me about how I was feeling about myself etc which really helped me and then I checked my emails, I was just about to delete my junk mail when a familiar name jumped out at me, I quickly moved the email to my inbox.

Firstly let me explain that I have not have a permaneant job since Dec 2008, when I was made redundant, I have been doing temp and contract work to keep the pennies coming in but then in June 2010 things took a turn for the worse and I have been signed off ill ever since, around that time my contract was coming to an end and I had seen a perfect job advertised, so applied.  I sailed through the telephone interview, which was a conference call with 2 directors, which I didnt realise until the end, otherwise I might not have been my normal cheeky self, but it must have worked as I was asked to attend an interview.  The final decision was very close between me and AN Other, they have described the decision as more like a toss of a coin as it was that close, unfortunately I was not successful but in hindsight that was the best thing that could have happened.

So imagine my shock when I saw the email had come from that company where I had only just missed out on such a great opportunity.  They explained that they are expanding and had another position available but before advertising they would like to discuss it with me, as they had remembered me and were very impressed.  I fired a quick email back asking for more info and went for my walk to think things through, i.e.am I ready to go back to work full time, will the doctor sign me back fit again, do I have enough confidence to impress them again?  When I got back we decided I would attend an interview at 14.30pm today, panic then set in to find something that would fit and I would look all office like and efficient for meeting up with them.

Now this is where fate comes into it, if I had been successful back in June there is no way I would have been able to keep the job down due to the ups and downs of coming of meds, stopping drinking etc, if I had not had my hair cut Tuesday I would not have had so much confidence with how I looked, if I had not had my telephone reconnected I would not have been able to call them to inform them when I had arrived as I could not find the office.

Anyway after an hour of chatting I was offered the job, for the exact money I was hoping for and it is a permaneant job, I get 20 days holiday plus the 8 public bank holidays, it is set in Bletchley Park, home of the Enigma Machine, the grounds are amazing and so I will have no excuses to go for a daily walk at lunch time, apparently we are also allowed to go and look round the various museums/displays they have there too.  I must admit I nearly crashed the car when I drove past a submarine, let alone the Harrier Jet, there is also a huge pond with benches so will be lovely in the summer.  My first week I will be spending 2 days in Galway, right next to the Racecourse, for some training.  I am still in shock and wonder when I will wake up.

So do you believe in fate, I know that I do, I always have, things certainly do happen for a reason, even if they are really devasting, they are things we have to go through to grow and discover who we are, they make us stronger and define our character.  Some people say I am a bit dippy or my sarcastic sense of humor can make some people wary of me, I am not confident about myself but I am confident in my abilities, I have been told before that people feel intimidated by me something to do to my looks (yes I am laughing too) but at the end of the day I am just me, I have seen and experienced all kinds of bad and good things, they have molded me into the person I am now and I would not change a thing.  I treat every person I meet exactly how I would like to be treated, if you wrong me then you lose my trust and friendship, simple.

I really feel that this is the path I have been waiting to take but the time was never right for me to take it, I am now ready for the next chapter in my life.  I could not have achieved this all on my own and owe so much to the continued encouragement from my friends, old and new, thank you all for believing in me and I cannot wait to show you all how right you were in having this faith in me..........

My new workplace in the background

Shellie B